I'd like to think that the soul and spirit get stronger through the pain - like a workout - the body is sore and screaming-but ultimately feels empowered and transforms for the better...
Instead, I find that I have less stamina. The emotional fatigue sets in faster in my soul.
Instead of a workout that strengthens, it's like an injury... I recover, but my usage is diminished, my vigor impaired. I'm forced to be more cautious.
I wanted to be full-hearted, instead of empty in my soul.
I keep moving as best as I can, but I feel bitter, trapped, and worn out.
Like a captive that rages against her oppressors. She hopes. She attempts escape, but then finally, she succumbs. All her hope and energy was channelled into hope of escape. After failed attempts, and being beat into submission yet another time-she stops fighting.
Not fighting. Sounds great. But, this in this case, it is not the rest of victory, but the overwhelm of defeat.
Are our souls and spirits more fragile than valiant?
Maybe it mirrors the body - one blow, one bullet in just the right place can wipe us out. We're fragile, prone to pain, an easy target for skilled predators and "freak" accidents. And, yet... the body can rally. It is programmed to fight, to overcome, to regulate. It can rise from the brink of death, it can endure bruising, breaking, fever, and deprivation. It can rise and gain back vigor.
But, yes, there are still scars.
Maybe we are just as fragile as we are strong.
