i will have you

I say I trust in a God who has existed before time and eternity. He breathed life into man and forms him with His very own hands.

He is loud enough to speak clearly in silence or above the roar of the world's noise.

Jesus, have I not been here, a time-or-two before? Placing my hope in something shaky, when my eyes need to be stayed on you?

I used to be afraid of what was under the water... I can only swim. with. You.

I can only walk. with. You.

I used to dream, I still do, though the older I get the more doubt wants to replace dreams.

You are strong enough.

You are big enough.

I give myself to you again.

I am trying, hoping, waiting for something...

God, You know how I keep failing.

You see how I keep trying.

You see all the thoughts, all that is wrong and right.

You see my heart and all the steps I have taken thus far.

You see what has brought me here.

You know the desires of my heart.

You know I have been shaken.

You know I want to believe and I do at my core.

I am longing deeply for this, Jesus.

I am lonely and needy.

I want to let go.

But, I want to hold. on.

I believe...help me with my unbelief...

I know You have never been shaken.

I have been pressed.

You were crushed for me.

I have been struck down.

I will not be destroyed.

Let me hold on to You with all I've got.

when my own heart leads me astray, still I will have You.

when they let me down. hard. again. still I will have You.

when I can't see your hands or your plans, still. Jesus, I will have you.

when tears come in like old familiar friends. still, I will have you...

I remember You sing over me: "When the darkness comes in, I will have you.

When the world caves in, I will have you.

When the accusers come, I will have you, I will have you.

You will always have Me.

I AM.

I never sleep, I can't forsake... I will have you."