thoughts...

This Christmas

2011-12-25T00:14:00.006-06:00

He came.

That is itself amazing.

Just those two words.

If I take the time to stop and focus on each one... the implications are astounding.

First, "He" - THE One. The One who was there from the beginning. The One through Whom all things were made and hold together. He was and is IT. The only One who could create us. The only One who could save us. HE...

"CAME" - He didn't just reach a hand down or just speak a command, He came. He grew in a human form for 9 months and came, flesh of Our flesh, with the breath of God Almighty.

Humble. Lowly. Unrecognized. Purposeful. Divine. Holy. Small but so Great.

Living, breathing, growing, familiar with our struggles from the start. But perfect, Holy spotless, able to take our punishment. HE CAME.

He stepped in. Fully. Lived out a life. Fully.

That night angels came to proclaim the wonder that was taking place. They proclaimed glad tidings to Earth.

*" 'Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is the Messiah, the Lord. This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger.' Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying,

“Glory to God in the highest heaven,

and on earth peace to those on whom his favor rests.”

Our World today is not filled with peace or "goodwill" towards men. But neither was the world Jesus came into.

He came into a world of scared Kings with murderous hearts. He came to danger, to dirt, to a world that didn't understand, to a world that rejected Him...

He came to a world that has eyes but cannot see, ears but cannot hear. He came with HOPE-something we all need. He came to *proclaim good news to the poor, freedom for the prisoners, recovery of sight for the blind, to set the oppressed free, and to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor...

So the angels proclaimed peace into what was a turbulent situation. But, God was on the scene, He who IS Peace has COME. Therefore, we have peace, He brought it and He gave it. Not as the World gives**...

Christmas was the night that peace came.

Peace spoken over a world in chaos. Peace for the hearts wandering, empty, lonely, looking for Truth.

On Christmas Peace CAME TO STAY.

Peace Himself came to bridge the gap between us and God. We who accept Him are now AT peace with God. Forever.

Peace was truly "on earth" when

HE CAME.

*Luke 2, Luke 4 NIV

** John 14:27

Alive

2011-12-12T21:30:00.002-06:00

I feel alive when I have hope, when I look up, when I have purpose, when I think of what CAN BE.

I feel dead when I seem stuck in a monotonous cycle...Working for what will not last. Living shackled to paper this world blows away.

I want purpose.

I want Hope.

Not glamour, But purpose. Hope.

I want You.

You don't end. Your purposes don't end because of our "failed" dreams.

Your Hope endures forever.

I want to live with Hope, with expectancy, with faith.

Where the past doesn't live in today.

Give me

2011-11-19T23:30:00.002-06:00

Give me a life filled with purpose

rather than a life filled with with parties.

Give me a life full of inward vigor

rather than outward glamour.

Give me a life that arouses the applause and rejoicing of Heaven

over the praises of men.

Ultimate Goals

2011-11-19T22:28:00.004-06:00

Even if you call yourself a "Christian", if your ultimate goal of life is to be a "musician" or an "artist" or a "thinker" or a "you-fill-in-the-blank"

than you will conform more and more into the mold of that person or profession.

Even if you have "Christian _____" tagged in front of what you want to be, you will still conform to what is expected, or accepted or popular, or just "the thing" to do...

However, we as "Christians" are not called to be "Christian musicians" or "Christian Artists" as if it were some kind of title... we are called to be DISCIPLES.

We are called to become conformed more and more to the image of Christ.

A disciple's actions and morals are not shaped by the culture or country they live in. Their beliefs of what is acceptable are not shaped by those around them. Their image is not shaped by the mold of their profession. Their beliefs, values, their very person is shaped by the Word of God. Which doesn't change and will not pass away.

Many Christians don't like to accept the fact that Christ's ways are very different, usually polar opposite of the world.

How can we be successful in the world if we don't accept it's ways?

Well, #1. If your ultimate goal is to be successful in this world, than you are living for the wrong purpose, the wrong time and place! And you haven't caught what it means to be a disciple.

and #2. God's ways are HIGHER than our ways. All things exist through Him, for Him and because of Him. If we can't trust in Him to have the best, the highest quality designs, ideas etc, etc, then who is there to trust?

We are called to be disciples...

tonight

2011-11-10T21:43:00.003-06:00

I feel most alone when I'm with you

'cause you shut me out and tear me down

just when I'm trying to break through

O I try to be strong

Try to stay true, try to be me.

How is it that I'm still the one with nobody?

Is it really me, or is it really them?

O I try to be strong

It's hard not to fall and run after what might love me for just a little while.

Make me feel wanted, held... not alone.

Wondering , "Do you see me for me?"

My outside is crumbling,

my insides aren't working right

How am I then, supposed to be me?

Nothing I do is fixing this

when will You, please start fixing this?

O I try to be strong.

O I try and try and try to be so strong.

Oh the things we do not to be alone.

Oh, when it feels like nobody knows.

Oh, when it feels like no one else feels the same...

Oh! I said! I said! "oh, and if they are all like that, I will STILL HAVE YOU... I will still have You."

I know you're here cause I can see your whispers, even tho I'd like a shout, I'm hanging on.

O I still have you.

But, I feel so alone.

O I try to be so strong...

tears are falling from the right out of all this pain in my sight.

All I thought was You wasn't right,

Thankful for the fallback,

but looking for the next steps in sight.

Oh God, uncloud my eyes and take every self centered ambition from me.

But, please, I just don't want to be misunderstood, alone, ostracized...

O I try to be...

Announcement

2011-10-08T22:43:00.009-05:00

Everyone, my awesome, amazing, fantastic, one-of-a-kind

Mom just started her own blog!

Find it here: rochellebader.wordpress.com

Read. Follow. Respond.

♥♥♥

ONE is 100%

2011-09-26T23:38:00.006-05:00

Last January I wrote this post:

http://i--am--not.blogspot.com/2011/01/i-started-off-this-year-by-attending.html about DO SOMETHING NOW.

Tonight I heard the Do Something Now thrust for Passion 2012 (And if you don't know what that is - it's basically a generation of college students choosing to live to make Jesus famous, The passion conference is January 2-5 2012 at the GA Dome - BE. THERE.) Anywho, the trust for next year's Do Something Now is all for human slaves.

There are 27 Million slaves in the world.

This is a huge, huge number.

When I hear about sex trafficking, it is mind boggling how wide spread it is. It is right in our very city, not all the way around the globe!

This could seen unsurmountable.

I hear people talking about "ending" sex trafficking.

yes, yes, I want that! But... it seems so overwhelming...

When I feel overwhelmed in life, it's natural for me to take a step back, rather than push forward.

But, we can't just stand by and do nothing...

Than I realized, if we rescued ONE person, it might look like we are just scratching the surface...

It might look as tho it were only 1/1000th of the problem solved, but for that ONE person, it is 100%. It is everything, it is their entire world. Their entire life has been changed.

Jesus said all of heaven rejoices over ONE lost soul that comes to life.

Jesus, in this massive world, full of faces we wiz by everyday,

teach us the value you see in ONE life.

The difference that we (ONE),

can make for them (ONE).

So, today I started collecting... every ONE means something.

We are headed to the dome in January and we won't be empty-handed.

You can give here: http://dosomethingnow.com/ Check it out.

For Israel

2011-09-23T22:49:00.003-05:00

Today, when typically I would be driving for work, I was in a quiet house, turned on the TV and was able to hear Benjamin Netanyahu address the UN this afternoon.

Frankly, it was one of the best "political" speeches I have ever heard.

I'm angry reading all of the tweets from today of people bashing Israel.

I feel like people are always criticizing the things that are right. I hate that!

I want to believe beyond doubts what is true.

I want to rely on God's revelation of truth and not peoples many varying opinions!

I have so much respect for Benjamin Netanyahu. Lord, give Him wisdom and grace.

He speaks so frankly and genuinely. Unlike politicians, he seems so transparent.

His entire speech had me captivated and I am so grateful I was able to hear it.

I would have just gone on busily with my day, forgetting about this crucial moment in the middle east. And it's amazing how many people don't know what is going on, and who just lived their lives... oblivious, as this vital moment in history passed.

We all make history every day. Some more publicly than others.

This should not be a quote just for a speech made today, but rather a statement for life:

"I did not come here to win applause, I came to speak the truth."

- Benjamin Netanyahu

and then he spoke and quoted what he was told before he came to begin serving by representing in the UN:

"you will be serving in a house of many lies.

But, remember that even in the darkest place,

the light of a single candle

can be seen far and wide."

Thank you Lord, that truth and character are not completely forgotten or abandoned even tho it looks dark. Darkness accuses and attacks.

Hope will not be forsaken.

heritage. history. honor. I AM.

hope.

And I will dwell among the children of Israel,

and will not forsake my people Israel.

1 Kings 6:13

the passed over under an overpass

2011-09-22T21:15:00.003-05:00

To all the passed-over.

Laying under an overpass.

All your broken hearts...

You've watched your dreams

roll and

fall and

crash

like an old beer bottle on dirty pavement.

Too many pieces.

Too hurtful.

Too dangerous to sort through.

Too impossible to be new.

So, we speak through this art.

Truth craftily disguised, a cover, a comforter to wounded, prideful souls.

Now it's vulnerable.

It's open.

All the things that can't be said in regular word-by-words.

But, nobody really knows. Sometimes that's a lie, sometimes the opposite.

O to go back to the days of possibility.

Leave

all the questions

the pressure

bending and breaking

Black and white blending into grey

Grass is dying, color's fading, light blinding eyes.

We've grown too thirsty in this desert

Too cold in this frost...

Is life buried deep beneath withered, frozen, broken forever?

Green is brown, black is grey...

Destroy

2011-09-13T22:30:00.004-05:00

It began long ago...

when darkness,

through it's deceit

captured the hearts

of the sons and daughters of light.

We looked for light...

but we found only darkness.

We searched for bright skies...

but walked in gloom.

We fumbled like the blind along the wall,

feeling our way like people without eyes!...

We were destined to fall.

Even in the brightest days...

We stumbled as if it were dark.

Among the living we were like the dead.

We looked for justice, but it never came.

We looked for rescue but it was far from us...

So He,

Himself

stepped in to save us...

,,,with his long arm and justice to sustain him.

He put on righteousness as armor,

salvation his helmet.

He clothed himself with the robe of vengeance

and rapped himself in a cloak of divine passion...

He slipped out of his royal garments,

left eternity to enter time,

divinity to wrap himself in humanity.

The sea of glass... for the ocean of separation,

he left peace, and for the first time felt pain.

Because the very hands that held the stars, were now sentenced to wear

my scars.

It was love!...that purchased this traitors heart.

It's what the prophets spoke about when they envisioned

light living in men once again......

For this reason, I am legend!... predestined for greatness,

build for the final hour.

I was born for this!...with weapons in hand,

armor in place,

I now march to the beat of a different drum.

I will break through

battle lines that have been drawn

by discouragement and despair.

What more is left to be said?

Time has met its end.

It's now or never.

Collision with me, myself and I.

You see, my mission today is clear, awake the dead.

So let freedom's song rage.

"You're not abandoned!"

"You're not alone!"

Last day warriors, arise from yesterday's ash

and raise your fist with us.

We are the army that is charging upon the land.

Defeat is no longer and option.

In His victory...

we stand,

we stand.

We rise.

We give our lives.

We stand...

we rise...

we give our lives!

- Destroy, Worth Dying For

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PWkgfRi3Bkg

Psalm 27

2011-09-04T13:29:00.002-05:00

waiting on the world to change

2011-08-30T19:22:00.004-05:00

You know those seasons in life when you wish you where somewhere else? While you wish to be in another season and it's easy to go day after day just "waiting for your boat to come in"... just thinking about when life will be "different".

I've been there lately. I don't hate where I am right now. But I would love to be somewhere else.

It's easy, as I go about my work and my everyday routine, to wish things were different. Wish I was there... wish I had this...

Just waiting on the world to change.

It's easy to feel like the everydays in these seasons are insignificant and simply something one must go through before they actually "make it".

But, God is a God of purpose and he can definitely see significance in insignificance.
So, instead of wishing away this season my life, the ultimate goal (of bringing my creator glory), is better served by me surrendering to HIS purpose for every day.

It is better served, if I choose to recognize His purposes exist, if I ask for my eyes to be open to those purposes and I live for something bigger than myself even in the mundane.

If He is a God of purpose, He can see purpose in everything and He can make my everyday count.

Dear Friend

2011-08-15T22:13:00.002-05:00

Dear Friend,

Just felt the need to say thanks. For so much.

You do so much for me that I don't even see and so much that I forget to thank you for.

How did I ever get someone like you?

Amazing that I didn't even find you, instead, you found me.

Thanks for always being there for me. Even though sometimes I ignore you. I act out of some old bad habits, but you already know why. Sometimes I just make the wrong choices. Sometimes I try to do life without you and I think I'm okay... and then I realize how dull I can be, how stupid.

Still you're always there, the best friend anyone could ever ask for.

Thanks for always listening, even when I don't talk to you, and I should. Thank you for listening to my heart. Thank you for listening to what is going on around me and making me aware. You're always looking out for me.

You've given so much already, but you keep on giving. You have no selfish motives. I never have to question your intentions. You are the truest.

What makes someone truly beautiful to me is who they are on the inside... their character.

Although I haven't seen you yet, I know you're beautiful.

We've been on this path for a while now, but it's a short journey compared to others.

I know you have far to take me yet. It's a relief to know that you will never be the one to leave.

Let me be courageous enough to stay by your side.

Thanks that I never have to be self-conscious around you.

I know you don't look at me with judging eyes.

I've told you how just one friend is all I want, thanks for never misunderstanding me. I never have to explain or think twice. Help me remember not to discount you!

Thanks for continuing to work on my behalf, even when I've given you the cold shoulder.

Thanks for not judging me even when I'm judging you.

Thanks for not treating me as I deserve.

Thanks for covering for me when I looked stupid.

Thanks for holding my hand when I was walking alone.

Only you will ever know how much I need you.

Thankfully, you can see my heart, so you truly know the difference you've made.

I'm glad our relationship won't end in death.

Your death opened the door and your life makes mine a reality.

Thank you, Jesus.

Love,

Anna

the long road

2011-08-12T20:55:00.003-05:00

I've been waiting a long time for some...

and even longer for others.

Every time I start to feel bad, I kick myself, because I know others have it worse off than I do.

But, honestly, right now, all I have is faith.

It seems like it won't ever change.

Simply because I can't see hope.

I don't see growth or health or change.

So, It's hard when you can't find the answer to your problem.

Can't seem to fix it.

It's on your mind. all. the. time.

Cause you don't feel like yourself.

People don't know.

Even you don't realize anymore...

But, it's a pressure on your chest.

Please, please, I can't fix it.

Please, please, let me be whole again.

Please, let me see some hope.

walking with new eyes

2011-08-05T21:34:00.003-05:00

Had a wake up call today.
Thank you God, that I have two arms legs and two legs; a heart that works and a liver that works.
Thank you that a still have hair.

Thank you God, for those who don't.

Thank you God for those who live without something I take for granted and are better people in spite of their "disability",
They love more, appreciate more, and have better attitudes.

My physical issues seem to ruin my world, but really, they are so small and insignificant because

I have so much to be grateful for...

We think they're the ones who have it all, we feel pity when we see them, but who really has the fuller life?
Who lives life to the full potential? Is it those who have full use of their limbs or those whose hearts are free?

When will we learn the outside is just a shell and spending all our time on the exterior doesn't change anything in the grand scheme of things?

But, still when I see those, these words came to my mind, " I can't wait for the day when every lame leg will walk"...
In your presence.

Walking with new eyes,

Anna

(INSPIRED by: a girl in a electric wheelchair who seemed much more satisfied than the kids with two strong limbs...)

World War

2011-07-31T22:04:00.004-05:00

It's like trying not to see

all of the marquees

walking down a narrow street

all the flashing lights are blinding and

skyscrapers are closing in

It's like drowning slowly

water rising till it's feet over your head

your thoughts channelled into the pull of the undertow

same as everybody else

where is the truth that you should know?

It's like chugging the bottle

or giving into the sleep

or taking it through an I.V.

seeping into your pores

comes at you fast

kills you slowly

WHAT IF we shut off all the messages of this world?

What if our minds were truly rewired to think differently?

This is a command - what if I took this seriously?

"Do not be conformed to this world (this age), [fashioned after and adapted to its external, superficial customs], but be transformed (changed) by the [entire] renewal of your mind [by its new ideals and its new attitude], so that you may prove [for yourselves] what is the good and acceptable and perfect will of God, even the thing which is good and acceptable and perfect [in His sight for you]." rom12:2AMP

Stuff seeps in.

Our minds are clouded by the messages SCREAMING every day. It's in front of our eyes our ears, yet we are supposed to reach beyond this tangible life.

What they say is okay, is not okay.

I am preaching to myself.

Sometimes we don't even realize how we have been shaped to think until the truth comes and hits us SMACK in the face.

What a tragedy it is going to be to finish this life only to see how warped our thoughts, therefore our beliefs and actions became! What a tragedy to see what falsities we became!

To see what we missed out on becoming... what we missed out on changing.

WHILE we have THE Truth. The One and Only!

Yes, this world's prince, this darkness, seems oh, so powerful. Oh so cunning, oh, so strong...

Yet, we do not have to be overcome.

But, if we just sit back, defeat is inevitable.

You won't even know what you've become until it's too late.

It's easy to slide on by on, "Everyone else is doing it!" But, watch any movie, even the world knows it takes someone DIFFERENT, someone often MISUNDERSTOOD to CHANGE. the. WORLD!

It's all-too-easy to say "I'm too busy".

Because the world is out there, right here at our fingers, ALL AROUND and regeneration takes EFFORT.

I'm not saying it's easy or fast... But, if I know it's worth much, I have to be willing to give, to go after it, why do I keep making excuses?

This is about WHO I AM.

Why can we preach the truth so well, when our lives don't look like we believe what we explain with such eloquence?

So, what would our lives be like if we decided to look differently. Let go of everything. Become new creations. Not stop seeking. Go after the new, hold onto truth. Turn our eyes away from all the lies, sugar coated...

What if we...

Stopped living for ourselves.

Started serving without thought of gain, status, reputation, or the deservance of others.

Stopped feeding ourselves whatever feels good.

Stopped making excuses.

...Just Surrendered.

Didn't grow tired in "well doing".

I don't want to fall back when it's time to rally.

I don't want to miss making history just because I was tired and dillutioned. It doesn't matter how I feel. It matters how I believed, and what I did with it.

If this is war and I've picked a side, maybe I should wear my uniform, learn my weaponry and get into training... and winning.

it's all about... me?

2011-07-29T12:14:00.001-05:00

After spending the majority of my time these past weeks with children, it got me thinking...

Kids are so selfish!
It seems they think the world revolves (or OUGHT TO revolve around them!).

We adults know this self-exhaultation is an immature and nìeve concept, right?

Or do we?

If maturity is realizing, "it's actually not all about me."
If maturity is looking out for the concerns of others, than how does this parallel my Christian walk?

How many of us think we are mature in our walk with God, however, we still think like children? We still act like, "It's all about me."

Many times, I think this egotistical mindset comes because, we all have a need to be accepted, loved, and sought after. For many of us, that need was not met somewhere along the way. In our constant quest to fill that need, we become selfish and we act out of our insecurities.

We may know that the world doesn't revolve around us, but we don't feel loved, valued or celebrated, therefore we consistently draw attention to ourselves.

Not only would a person like this be hard to live with (and actually drive people away from them!) in the real world, but a person like this spiritually would fail to fulfill God's full potential for their life.

It is all about sacrifice.
It is not about me.
Yet...
First, I must see this unconditional love that Christ offers, or I will never overcome my insecurities.
True change is change of the heart, not the actions.

The power of the cross is the amazing power of change. Not the power TO change alone. But the power to BE CHANGED.

I can't rid myself of insecurities through self-help and positive thoughts alone. There will always be someone who tries to tear me down; there will be something that tries to take me backwards. So how can I live selflessly? How can I live the way God intended, the way he commands?
How can I be a true follower?

Only through the power of Christ.
It not only enables me to change.
But, it does the changing I cannot do!
It enables me to die to self and live in the truest joy!

If I come and surrender. Believe. And allow myself to be filled up, then, I can be an instrument for His gospel.
My goal won't be to be accepted or noticed or praised. I won't be after attention to fill the holes in my life.
I will look more like Jesus who honored the Father every day and became the servant of all!
He came not to be served, but to serve.

That's how I should come everyday.
I still don't... too often, I act like this life; this Jesus is all about me...

I'd like to think I'm a mature adult Christian, but I'd rather see who I really am. Even if that's just a kid who's learning, I'm infinitely loved and treasured.
Jews wants to be number #1, He wants me to trust Him with childlike faith.
In the maturity, I never want to lose the child that trusts, loves and believes.

Jesus, I believe, help me with my unbelief.

On the journey,

Anna

all the unnoticed

2011-07-22T22:29:00.005-05:00

I know what it's like to sit and wonder

"If I'm not there, would they even notice?"

and know that they wouldn't care.

All the unnoticed, put your hands up

All you misunderstood

All of you whose hearts are bleeding out

I am one of you.

All who feel alone, everywhere.

All who want to feel again.

To know somebody cares.

To trust in arms that reach out for you.

Hoping that one day, that dream could come true.

You're not hoping for a rainbow, but just one gleam of sun.

Take another chance now. Go ahead and take a bow!

Believe we're beautiful even in our doubts.

Believe we can, we will, we must... Believe.

All the unnoticed, put your hands up

All you misunderstood

All of you whose hearts are bleeding out

I am one of you.

To all who would say, "I am in pain", if you could just be honest.

It doesn't make you any less stronger.

If they slap you down again.

Just get back up, you're stronger than they know.

Believe we're beautiful even in our doubts.

Believe we can, we will, we must... Believe

power of music

2011-07-21T22:48:00.000-05:00

The power of music is just blowing my mind.

What is it about music that is so powerful?

It changes things; sets ideas in motion.

It puts words in people's mouths and melodies in their heads...

Music defines moments, decades, memories, countries, styles and beliefs.

It is universal, yet personal.

The kind of influence that music brings is unreal.

Set words to music and people will sing it, little 5-year-olds will sing words even while they don't comprehend what they are saying.

Why?

All because the words were set to music.

What a powerful tool!

Those in the industry have such a tool to use!

I want that kind of influence!

Artists can write something extremely personal - it can be sad, happy, melancholy, angry, revengeful, gleeful... and other people, who have no idea what was truly felt during the birthing of the song, connect with the song in highly personal ways, it becomes THEIR anthem.

...Thousands of people connecting with something. Thousands of people from all different places, beliefs, and backgrounds proclaiming the same words.

All because they were put to music.

...Because those words were presented to a world full of people looking to relate, looking to be understood, looking for hope, entertainment, something to connect with; something to rally around.

We have been given the amazing ability to express ourselves. The power of sounds and lyrics on people and our history is fascinating to me lately.

With the mighty influence and voice that comes with a musical platform, comes even the ability to perpetrate the idea that you DON'T need a microphone to have a "voice":

"I don't need a microphone/ to say what I've been thinkin'/

my heart is like a loudspeaker/ that's always on eleven/

...Sometimes all it takes is one voice..."

what a dichotomy.

What a phenomenon...

The power of music

It's time

2011-07-19T21:32:00.003-05:00

"This is your life/ are you who you want to be?"

Am I who I want to be?

no.

Given, I do tend to see the bad things about me and feel guilty focusing on the good.

But, still, I can do this.

I am not alone.

Even though it feels like it.

I've got You, and that's all I'll ever need.

Now, if I can just live like that is true...because, it sure is.

Give me strength to move ahead, not backwards and down.

Give me strength to go against the flow.

Give me strength to desire Your will, not mine.

"Above all else I crave for innocence and purity and even though it’s rarely around, it’s indeed right in front of my eyes and the trick is to see it. So what am I waiting for? It’s time to stop waiting. Because loving the world is the same as hating God. The equation is obvious. It’s time to change."

-Adam Young

It's my life.

Any choice, or ability, I only have because God chose to give it to me.

so... "what am I waiting for? It's time to stop waiting...

It's time to change."

One

2011-07-16T20:23:00.004-05:00

let my focus be singular.
let my affections be undivided.
let my feet be undiverted.

let my heart be Yours.

it's ticking

2011-07-12T11:48:00.000-05:00

Seconds to minutes
Minutes to hours
Hours to days
Days to weeks
Weeks to months
Months to years
Years to...a lifetime
A lifetime to...
eternity

Sometimes minutes decide the rest of your earthy existence; If you let the moment when someone wounded you define you for the rest of your life.

Sometimes moments (seconds)
Define eternity (forever).

Time is ticking
Every second does count.

azure celestial sphere

2011-07-11T20:56:00.005-05:00

I have to avoid being so caught up in wanting love that I forget the things I do love that are gifts every single day?

the wind.

i love it.

it is exhilarating.

the sky.

i love it.

It's fascinating to me.

I could take pictures of just the sky and be happy except for the fact that the camera never really captures the full effect of the grander!

i was not created to settle.

2011-07-10T20:54:00.002-05:00

I was not created to settle.

I am not settled when I am settling.

Because I am only fighting against who I was created to be.

All it takes for a revival to happen is the Spirit of God and ONE person who wants it.

God will come and He will change you.

Personal revivals - awakenings of the heart and spirit - are the most impacting.

The way God is so engaged in our little lives is mind boggling.

"Tell me, do we want more?/

Cause we've heard the cry/

and we've come alive/and we fight for love/

and we live to die...we've come alive tonight/

we are the passion

we are the movement

we are the fire

we'll never lose it"

life goes on.

2011-07-09T22:20:00.005-05:00

bands break up

products get discontinued

and life goes on.

people make you happy

people make you sad

people pass on before you.

but, life goes on.

sometimes it rains

sometimes it pours

sometimes the sky holds out and the ground threatens to crack.

and life goes on...

...but sometimes it doesn't

someone's child died today, right in this very city.

someone's baby won't ever see the daylight.

someone's left crying and trying to say goodbye.

life goes on.

and somewhere a baby was born, healthy, crying.

someone's attempted suicide was stopped.

someone fell to their knees and found grace.

change isn't fun.

God isn't shaken.

life is a gift.

heaven is a gift.

life will go on.

sometimes it's the moment when you think it's over; or you will never find the strength to stand back up or keep on moving that makes you the strongest.

oh the roommates i've had...

2011-07-08T17:44:00.007-05:00

I realize there is some risk to posting this on the great world wide web (or is it the: wonderful world wagon...wisdom willing wanderer or maybe...west winter wasp?)

ehem, I digress.

Anywho, living with people is a joy and a challenge, some days are good, other experiences can be hell... (without the fire and worm, thankfully...)

FYI= I am writing this in a very facetious manner - I don't hate anyone, think of this as a comedic sketch. :-) You have been forewarned!

Situation numero uno:

me=17 yrs old

them = 3 very different girls from around the U.S.

lasted 1 month.

2 - snored like freight trains (this is not an exaggeration).

1 - slept 3 feet from me (whilst snoring like a freight train)

1 - stole my friends, threw their clothes on my side and talked incessantly

all 3 complained.

oh, and there was a bag of rotten potatoes under our sink... you don't understand that reeking odor unless you've smelled it. (that part was my fault).

Situation #2:

5 girls

1 - The engaged-to-be-married controlling, pessimist...

(I couldn't even turn the light on when I woke up in the morning if she was sleeping!)

1 - Miss Post-Trib, Laughing, Bookworm

1 - Miss head-over-heals-in-love-emotional-inside-introvert-outside-extrovert-i-never-wash-my-sheets-etc-etc

ah... and there were two others, but I think you get the picture.

Situation #3:

I was in 1 ROOM.

0nly for 5 weeks - Praise Jesus!

1- The facebook-poll taker, in love with the boy who lived above us

(would stand on bed and sing love to the ceiling) again, I say, non of this is made-up!

oh, and she called me a "heifer" ...and I laughed!

1- Miss unadmitted-drama-queen-but-everyone-loves-me-cause-I-am-cool

After that I didn't have a school-roomate situation for a while, until

next- I lived with (#4) a girl, Beijing born and raised, (...and we had the same birthday).

Through all this there is my cousin, who knows me better than anyone beyond my immediate family, pretty much definitely my best friend, we have lived together on and off and I'm pretty sure at this point, we could work through anything and still love each other bonkers-much...

So, at least it's good to know there is hope ;-). Because, at some point, here I'm going to willingly agree to marry a man I love and then will come...living in a house with him... sharing a kitchen, bathroom and bedroom...Well, Praise the Lord that love covers a multitude of sins!

joking, joking ;)

Praise the Lord for his present provision.

I don't know where I'm going to live in a few months,

don't know if I'll have roommates or live alone.

But, God promised to provide, so I will believe.

twirl

2011-07-07T18:30:00.000-05:00

writing makes me feel alive...

... & twirling is one of my favorite things to do.

just wanted to put that out there

:-D

- Anna

true love exists.

2011-07-06T17:10:00.002-05:00

I know every woman needs to believe she's beautiful.
Even if men tell her she is... it wont make a difference unless she believe it first.

I know every woman wants to believe she is beautiful to men,

but really deep down... she wants to be loved, known and accepted for who she is

beyond skin depth.

Sadly we girls have been told to believe, from our shallow society, that we'll only get love for the outward from these guys who only care about their body.

Men have got to wake up.
Women have got to wake up.
We all have to stand up and face reality.

A beauty could be destroyed in an instant
Guys have got to stop ranking girls.

Girls have got to stop faking and fearing.
We have to gain our security from God and shine from the inside out.

Enough with our fantasies.
True love exists, beyond fireworks, stomachs butterflies, or racing heartbeats.

True love exists. It exists in a choice, a commitment, a battle, a decision.
In sacrifice...

It exists in the long run, not the snap shot.

part of me.

2011-07-05T17:37:00.005-05:00

part of me.

wants...

to.

abandon this world.

forever.

and fly above.

to another world.

where i belong.

i'm such an alien here.

part of me.

knows.

the race isn't over.

even tho.

the battle is won.

my time's not done.

this part wants.

to stay and live.

not.

just.

exist.

be all.

can.

be.

live with eyes.

open wide.

this.

part of me.

loves.

this part of me.

cries.

awaken.

this.

part of me...

unity?

2011-07-04T00:11:00.000-05:00

"My prayer is not for them (the disciples) alone. I pray also for those who will believe in me though their message, that

all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in You.

May they also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me. I have given them the glory that you gave me, that they may be one as we are one: I in them and you in me.

May they be bought to

complete unity to

let the world know that

you sent me and have

loved them even as you have

loved me."

-Prayer of Jesus, John 17:20-23

I get so frustrated when I see how much we are segregated and divided in the body of Christ. I wish we could truly be all-in-this-together.

I wish we were not divided by doctrine, theology and differing scriptural interpretation.

I wish it could be enough to be a Christ-follower and that we were not segregated into other groups - subcultures within "Christendom".

I don't despise particular denominations - I simply cannot stand the different amount of views there are in competition - DIVIDING US - within this church...

What is ridiculous to me is this:

Many of the doctrines which divide us WILL NOT MATTER once we all get to heaven!

i.e. the doctrine of salvation is a HUGE dividing factor in the church! Calvinists, Armenians, and all in-between!

1. If we ARE sharing the gospel while we are on this earth

2. We WILL all (both sides) be in heaven together -

then - WHY does it even matter??? God's will and purpose will be carried out regardless of what we believe about HOW OR WHY!

Jesus prayed for us to be unified (there, we would be the strongest witness to the world); I see us as the opposite of unified...

There, obviously, has got to be one truth.

Obviously, both sides of these arguments use scripture to "back-up" their interpretations.

AND both believe they are right.

Frankly, I don't believe man can fully comprehend or explain God's ways...

What we thought won't matter in the end. There won't be a crown for the Calvinists or the Armenians declaring "who was right", we will all be on our knees in AWE before our Creator.

Don't misunderstand me, what we believe here IS crucial because it shapes our view of God and effects the way we live, but these beliefs that become dividing forces are not advancing the cause of Christ or the gospel of Jesus!

This saddens and frustrates me!

I wish it was a perfect world where we all got along. I feel like if any of us should be at peace and IN love with one another, it should be US (those who claim to know Him).

I want to pray, like Jesus did, for us to be brought into unity.

But, when I first thought of praying, my first reaction was to brush off the idea, because unity seems too far gone. I don't see it getting better.

But then I thought -

Jesus (God himself) prayed for us to be brought into unity.

God already could see

how we would end up

and yet Jesus still prayed that in the WILL OF THE FATHER!

So, who am I to say my prayers would be worth nothing, or null and void?

If Jesus himself prayed for us to become unified, why shouldn't I too?

Anyway, sort of a long rant to say something simple,

if you read this far - thank you :) hope it made sense in your noggin!

Anna

all that you've got

2011-07-03T00:31:00.002-05:00

Every time I see this, I think of God; right there in the heat of the battle with us, willing us to win, urging us to press on to the finish line...

The race is hard, but our "momentary afflictions" do not compare with the reward of pressing on!

"Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." Philippians 3:12-14

He is Higher than any other!

2011-07-02T00:06:00.003-05:00

Those the LORD has rescued will return.

They will enter Zion with singing;

everlasting joy will crown their heads.

Gladness and joy will overtake them,

and sorrow and sighing will flee away.

“I, even I, am he who comforts you.

Who are you that you fear mere mortals,

human beings who are but grass,

that you forget the LORD your Maker,

who stretches out the heavens

and who lays the foundations of the earth,

that you live in constant terror every day

because of the wrath of the oppressor,

who is bent on destruction?

For where is the wrath of the oppressor?

The cowering prisoners will soon be set free;

they will not die in their dungeon,

nor will they lack bread.

For I am the LORD your God,

who stirs up the sea so that its waves roar—

the LORD Almighty is his name.

I have put my words in your mouth

and covered you with the shadow of my hand—

I who set the heavens in place,

who laid the foundations of the earth,

and who say to Zion, ‘You are my people.’”...

...Therefore hear this, you afflicted one,

made drunk, but not with wine.

This is what your Sovereign LORD says,

your God, who defends his people:

“See, I have taken out of your hand

the cup that made you stagger;

from that cup, the goblet of my wrath,

you will never drink again.

I will put it into the hands of your tormentors,

who said to you,

‘Fall prostrate that we may walk on you.’

And you made your back like the ground,

like a street to be walked on.”

Isaiah 51:11-16,21-23

good deeds=selfish me VS. grace=humbled servant

2011-07-01T00:57:00.006-05:00

Recently, I was confronted with how many people think they will get into heaven through living right or doing good-deeds. People count-out Jesus. Jesus, who IS the very reason we have access to the Father, the reason we get into Heaven, He is our righteousness!

I realized:

IF our salvation IS based on our own deeds, that knowledge can breed self-indulgence, self-gratification, self-reliance, and selfishness. Notice, all these begin with “self"…

If we believe our salvation is reliant on our behavior, than "self " is at the foundation of our salvation. If self is at the foundation of our salvation, we have freedom to live as we please...Even if that means living a life contrary to God.

We can think, "I do a little good and do a little bad"... thinking we will "make up" later for the foolish things we do, or that we will undergo punishment before actually getting into heaven. This is indeed a twisted mindset!

If SELF is the one to rely on for salvation, we are put at a distance from God, What is His great mercy? Where is the WONDER that comes from His great Grace?

The opposite of this is realizing that our salvation is a FREE GIFT from a God who accepts us wherever we are. And, we could never earn the deep, bottomless, genuine, unconditional, undeserved LOVE that has been lavished on us.

If someone gives you something you haven't earned & DO NOT deserve, your desire should be to do everything in your power to please them, even though nothing you were given is based on your merit. This concept of receiving what is underserved should inspire humbleness, and servitude, not selfishness.

Salvation doesn't depend on your works. But, this is not a license to sin. Because salvation is free, we are in total dependence on God, asked to die to the almighty "self".

If my salvation depended on me, my life would be my own.However, I AM NOT my own, I was bought with a price and I am to glorify God in this life I live.

Grace takes my eyes off of me, changes my view...

"Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies." 1 Corinthians 6:19-20

God, how often do I live like your grace is untrue and I am the one in control?Foolish me who you have loved and cherished! Help us, God to not forget You and Your truth in our frailty. You have made us, you see us, you know us, You love us! Oh, take heart friends!

Because He has overcome,

Anna

i will have you

2011-06-28T00:20:00.005-05:00

I say I trust in a God who has existed before time and eternity. He breathed life into man and forms him with His very own hands.

He is loud enough to speak clearly in silence or above the roar of the world's noise.

Jesus, have I not been here, a time-or-two before? Placing my hope in something shaky, when my eyes need to be stayed on you?

I used to be afraid of what was under the water... I can only swim. with. You.

I can only walk. with. You.

I used to dream, I still do, though the older I get the more doubt wants to replace dreams.

You are strong enough.

You are big enough.

I give myself to you again.

I am trying, hoping, waiting for something...

God, You know how I keep failing.

You see how I keep trying.

You see all the thoughts, all that is wrong and right.

You see my heart and all the steps I have taken thus far.

You see what has brought me here.

You know the desires of my heart.

You know I have been shaken.

You know I want to believe and I do at my core.

I am longing deeply for this, Jesus.

I am lonely and needy.

I want to let go.

But, I want to hold. on.

I believe...help me with my unbelief...

I know You have never been shaken.

I have been pressed.

You were crushed for me.

I have been struck down.

I will not be destroyed.

Let me hold on to You with all I've got.

when my own heart leads me astray, still I will have You.

when they let me down. hard. again. still I will have You.

when I can't see your hands or your plans, still. Jesus, I will have you.

when tears come in like old familiar friends. still, I will have you...

I remember You sing over me: "When the darkness comes in, I will have you.

When the world caves in, I will have you.

When the accusers come, I will have you, I will have you.

You will always have Me.

I AM.

I never sleep, I can't forsake... I will have you."

notes from a jet plane: 6/25/11

2011-06-25T23:09:00.000-05:00

I sat next to a pastor on an airplane today who "hated religion" and talked about how few Christians tithe.
He stated that my family was a "blessed family" because of the churches (with "well known" pastors) that we attend.
This (and other things I observed and have been thinking on) prompted this whole entry:

"We are not blessed because of being on the cutting edge of American Christianity,
not because we go to large suburban churches with well-known pastors or worship leaders.
Jesus (this guy-God- we are supposed to be following) said blessed are the poor in spirit for theirs is the kingdom of God. (Matt 5)

We are blessed because we are forgiven and free, our destiny is not tied down to the end of this world or the end of our lives.

If I had said I go to some "unknown" church or my parents do such-and-such what kind of reaction would I have gotten?

Because Jesus died we have power to have freedom in this life and beyond.

What defines us as being "radical"?
Just being out of the box? Not being caged?
What about our personal moment-to-moment lives doesn't line up with our big vision?

Making those "small" changes and taking a stance in our OWN personal lives - THAT is what is RADICAL.

What is this happiness about busting people out of religion?

What have we defined religion as and what have we mistaken for religion?

We have rejected all the rules and regulations that came with being a Christ follower in the name of freedom.
Jesus came to give us freedom,
but He didn't come to make us fit in or to make us rich or make us popular.

He came to tell us we would be the opposite!
Quite contrary to all the things we humans want...

We are asked to give up everything and take a narrow road.
Jesus came to be the authentic face of God. Someone who said and did what He said, contrary to the religious leaders.

The thing that gets to me, that I don't understand, is how people think-do they really think- they are walking the walk? Not just talking the talk?
Do they really think their actions and character are backing up their words?

Why does it seem like there are those who are only following the part of "true religion" that says to take care of orphans and widows?...

Sometimes when I'm feeling this strong discontent with these things I witness, I feel badly like I am just expecting people to be perfect(well-aware that no human, christian or otherwise, is perfect) and I am reminded that I am not perfect neither, and I get concerned that people will misconstrue what I am saying as judgment, but then I remember that Jesus- the very love and face of the Father-said "be perfect as your heavenly Father is perfect" (Matt 5)

And about being "judgmental" -
The world doesn't have the truth, the commandments that we do. We are hypocrites not to follow what we know. We don't have excuses! The issue is when we see blinded to areas we have let pollution live and dwell. The second part of "true religion" is to keep oneself from being "polluted by the world".

That's not hard to understand!
Do we think it's hard to know what that really means because it's now "open to our interpretation"?
I think we over complicate God's words and pass comfortably over sections we would rather not let penetrate our souls.

We can talk about tithing and etc all day, but God said He desired mercy not sacrifice! Why does mercy need to come first?
Sacrifice is important, but it should flow out of a consecrated heart, not be done as a checklist.

God has always been about the heart. I know its about the inside and not just the outward expression. But, ultimately what we say and do is flowing out of our heart. That's a truth whether or not we like it! A fake can only fake for so long.

It's hard to swim against the flow... especially among those who should be of one mind.

Genuine follower or average cultural Christian?

2011-06-24T23:52:00.000-05:00

I don't want to just be an average American Christian, just fitting into the box, into the flow; succumbing to the pressure of culture.

Will I live like any American 20-something?
What is my identity and what is my priority?
I have staked my claim in Jesus, my destination in heaven.

I get so fed-up with the way 99% of the Christians I meet live.
I feel the pull to entertain certain things that go against Jesus and the life he has asked us to live.
Instead of this I should be pushed closer to Jesus and holiness! Not deeper into the world, into coping, into lies.

We live comfortably and we hold love of this world and the Savior in the same arms... This should not be a comfortable position to live in.

There are people who are following Jesus who can't be concerned with popular culture, they only have time to think about what really matters in this race we are running.
They can't just use the name of Jesus as a brand or label. Calling on the name of Jesus truly costs them their lives.

I wonder why we all don't get it!
We go visit impoverished nations, we go to unreached people and yet we still are selfish and consumed with all this dirt that means nothing!

God, don't let us sacrifice everything for nothing in return.
Don't allow us to drown in shallowness!
Do not allow us to walk around blind and mute... Seeing and not perceiving, hearing and not understanding.

10 Reasons why I love people watching

2011-06-23T22:01:00.007-05:00

1. It's incredibly entertaining.

2. I catch people doing things when they think "no one is looking".

3. It keeps me laughing.

4. I am aware of people's wardrobe choices 110% of the time, and people watching is a great opportunity for me to access styles.

5. I have to debate whether or not to walk up to perfect strangers and tell them "Your fly is down" or "uh, your shirt is unbuttoned"...

6. I must resist the urge to walk up behind two wanna-be's and bust out "pants on the ground, pants on the ground, lookin' like a fool with yo pants on the ground!"

7. I observe good and not-so-good parenting habits

8. I realize how oblivious most people are!

9. I am reminded of how much we judge based on appearances

10. I get to wonder what is beyond ones tough or shy exterior

just me

2011-06-21T14:39:00.016-05:00

I'm a girl who was raised in the Southwest. I live in the South, but apparently, I should be from the Midwest, given my accent.

Already confusing?

I'm the girl who was homeschooled almost her entire life. But usually hears, "you were homeschooled?!" from others. It definitely brings on a range of reactions and opinions.

I guess, I could hide or propagate the fact that I was (dun,dun,dun) homeschooled, but regardless of the fact, I am just who I am!

I'm not much of a tomboy, but not a girly-girl either... meaning, I wasn't one to play sports (mostly, because I felt dumb trying to play because no one showed me how... and boy, I hate to fail). But I'm not one to have her nails done every two weeks either.

Happy, happy, in-between... shopping IS one of my favorite pastimes and I am not ashamed of it! I love accesories, clothes, the whole shibang of looking cute... but, as much as I love it, I can't keep up perfection every stinkin' day! I love a good T-shirt and jeans too!

Growing up I didn't know what I was going to do with my life! I couldn't decide between being a doctor, nurse, teacher, dancer, photographer, actress, or singer... once, I wanted to be a gymnast, and planned out how how I could make it to the olympics! I definitely wrote lists of the possibilities, that's another thing - I love lists.

I love eyes, ironically, sometimes I can't remember others eye colors.

I love milkshakes and road trips. together or separately.

Writing keeps me sane and in it are my most honest moments.

Even tho I often feel alone, I know I never am...

And, I'm in love with the sky, it's one of the most amazing things in the world.

Never twice the same, a masterpiece.

I would be happy just living.

Not being alone.

Finding love... even tho Love has already found me.

I want to be a wife and mom.

See the World.

Learn how to fly. (literally... and why not figuratively too!)

Make everything I can with my eyes and hands.

Never lose wonder in the little things that inspire.

Bring Jesus glory, even through all the dirt I got from this world.

Keep learning.

Experience zero gravity.

Record my music, even if it's just for me.

Love and be loved.

Give and Forgive.

Never give up.

Keep smiling.

i am just me. and this is only the tip of my iceberg ;)

There are a lot of things that have made me who I am today. I know that's the story of us all.

Life doesn't look the way I pictured it so far, but that's okay.

I'm looking up to the One who sees the whole thing completed and framed.

Pressing on towards what is ahead.

Sing with everything within...

2011-06-21T00:32:00.004-05:00

Sometimes the hardest thing is to open your mouth, yet, it is what needs to happen. It doesn't matter what the singing sounds like, mixed with tears and emotion, it doesn't need to sound perfect to be beautiful music to His ears... in the darkest places, when you are alone, when you feel that you cannot make a sound, open your mouth and sing... the words may come slowly, the melody may be broken, but yet sing... sing

Tell the truth to yourself, tell it to the world, whisper or shout it to the heavens!

"Hallelujah, Praise the One - Risen Son of God!"

In Christ alone

my hope is found

He is my light, my strength, my song

This cornerstone, this solid ground

Firm through the fiercest drought and storm

what heights of Love, what depths of peace

when fears are stilled, when strivings cease

my comforter, my All in all

Here in the love of Christ I stand.

There in the ground His body lay

light of the world by darkness slain,

then bursting forth in glorious day up from the grave He rose again!

and as He stands in victory

sin's curse has lost its grip on me

for I am His and He is mine

bought with the precious blood of Christ

No guilt in life, no fear in death

this is the power of Christ in me

from life's first cry to final breath

Jesus commands my destiny

no power of hell! No scheme of Man!

Can ever pluck me from His hand

till he returns or calls me home, here in the power of Christ I stand...

Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Praise the One, Risen Son of God!

One in himself, I cannot die
My soul is purchased by his blood
My life is hid with Christ on high,
With Christ, my Savior and my God
With Christ, my Savior and my God

"Hallelujah, Hallelujah! Praise the One, Risen Son of God!"

i think i should change the name of this blog...

2011-06-18T12:37:00.000-05:00

...because I think a more appropriate title, as of late, would be "Confessions..."

because this is where the unseen girl gets really honest. Maybe I don't have anyone that I can say this all to face-to-face, so instead, it goes on the internet, where literally anyone could read it, but I don't know if anyone ever does...

I've lost many along the way.
Most of them were for the better.
Sometimes I can tell in the moment and other times I can't.

Sometimes it's worth fighting for and sometimes the best thing is just to walk away.

I try to not care and not take things personally, but it's so hard not to just have a place where I can be loved for me. Just ME. Not all of the things I am not, but try to be.

Keep my faith alive, please.

Sometimes people take you for granted, sometimes the places filled with expectancy turn into deserts... but sometimes the driest places produce the most beautiful bloom.

That hope keeps my faith alive.

Frankly, I am so tired of people not knowing who I truly am.

I could pour out my heart here on words, and not even know if anyone who matters is reading, hearing... listening.

I'm worn out from consistently being the one who reaches out.

I was the perfect girl. The perfect girl who dreamt of becoming a rebel who was still loved. Loved, because someone saw who she could be, not what she did.

But, I couldn't bear the sting of purposely being imperfect even to test that little hypothesis.

Somehow messing up and it being okay would be the most freeing feeling... might sound strange.

I know it "doesn't matter" what I do to merit God's affections. But, I seem to know enough about why it does matter and that overrides everything else. I seem to believe that God cares the most about me doing what is right. And as much as I wanted to be loved even in doing wrong, I wanted so strongly to do what was right.

I don't have the hair or skin of the other girls. I am different inside and out although I fight it.
I don't know where I am going to live. I have to trust You are using the good, bad and ugly to fix that.
I have a love/hate relationship with being alone.
I don't mind living alone, I treasure those times
but I long to have the companionship of someone who understands me, accepts me, someone who you push past all the hard times with. I long for it so strongly, I can physically feel it.

Being alone makes you think... about who you are
it makes you decide... who you will be.

One thing I've learned is that people both, A. Let me down and B. Can be used in my life in amazing ways.
and also that whenever I try to make it happen, it doesn't.

In fact, it (whatever that happens to be, at the time) usually falls flat on it's face, but God's grace holds the pieces together.

People and places disappoint.

But, Jesus won't and He has a much bigger vision for my life than I do.

I don't have the type of friends that I can consider true, I don't have the kind I've always wanted.

When have I ever felt just accepted?

I am well aquainted with feeling different or misunderstood or misjudged.

but, just accepted? I honestly don't know.

God, I don't know what you have planned, don't think me ungrateful for all you've given me. I am so grateful, Jesus. Seeing how you care for me really means so much, But, you already know my heart and I don't have to convince you.

Thank you for being near to the brokenhearted and for never leaving us at our lowest and when we need You the most.

God, how is it that you care so much that none of these tears that are falling have ever been taken forgranted by you? I don't even know why they are coming...

I try to hold it together.

You collect them in a jar

Who are you that You would care so much?

You care enough to count my hair that is falling out.

If I was without You I couldn't live because without you I have nothing.

I just had a moment with this song...

God I try not to be the weak one, I try to be the one who can handle anything. I feel like I just shouldn't care, but why me again? Why am I the one who struggles, the one people forget about... Will I always be forgettable?

I have held it together for so long so many times. I've walked in the face of princes, princesses and impostors.

I tried to take the high road...

Take me where You will.

and if, to any outsiders, this sounds like the ravings of someone who makes no sense, well, it all came out of where I am and what I am feeling, and maybe it looks disjointed, but as it came it all made sense.

I just had a moment with this song...

and so, if this is confessions and if I am being honest, I have to say that first,

I'm not a girl who picks up celebrity crushes and carries them around as tokens to giggle or gush over. I've never been "boy-crazy" and I'm not a geeked out fan, or some girl in highschool who is trying to live out some fantasy.

All that being said,

I am really impressed with Mr. Young and what I know about the standards he upholds in his life. I don't meet guys who actually care or have stuff that they actually don't do.

People who are different from everyone else and not afraid to show it are extremely admirable.

What kind of artist (let alone not a "preachy-Christian artist) tweets scripture, or goes to God's word when they are at their lowest, or gives glory to God and really means it, or will write to the whole wide world about what's really going on inside of them from their house all alone... just like me.

I like guys for a whole lot more than looks, because the inside spills over onto the outside and it makes or breaks a person.

I have extremely high standards, in comparison to the majority of people I know, sometimes It's hard to believe there are still people who live in the way that I want to uphold.

So, when I see someone who does, they gain my respect and admiration.

Watching Owl City live last week, I was struck by how Adam's stage presence was one that I have seen people critique and make immature comments about, but what I took away from the show was "You, be you".

It takes someone confident in themselves to get out there and embody no one but THEMSELVES and not listen to naysayers.

It empowers me to be more secure in myself.

So, I probably won't ever even meet this guy, and I'm probably not even his type, but regardless, Adam has inspired me to believe in love and goodness and purity in others... things that are real. not just fantasy.

and these words are mine again tonight, as they are true today and all days.

"I can finally see/

that You're right there beside me/

I am not my own/

for I have been made new/

please don't let me go/

I desperately need You."

over it

2011-06-13T19:56:00.001-05:00

i'm tired of being alone, even in a crowd.

mankind

2011-06-04T23:07:00.003-05:00

Some days I feel like a dreamer
Other days, I feel like an escapist
Some days I feel hope rising and I breathe in it
Other days, I feel less. Hope less

Feel.
Feelings...of little importance, yet of great meaning and strength.

Lonely
Wondering if you're out there
I know, if I actually met you, it might be forgettable
Lonely
But really I just feel like the girl nobody knows, I'm not unhappy. even when I am, it doesn't show
Lonely
Cause I am going with people I'd rather not know, just so I can keep from being alone
Wish I could snap out of this place, wish I could be like them but, I should be beyond chasing insecurities, I should embrace who I am so I can shine, but I'm having trouble focusing on the inside
I want more than ordinary life.
Hidden obscured
I want more than fantasy
I want more than where I am today

I'm here thousands of miles away
I shouldn't even care
I feel like such an ugly fool
Foolish for thinking of a stranger thousands of miles away
Impossible
everything about me feels so upside down
I feel like I changed, I don't like the change. I feel like I'm in another awkward stage. Odd for this age.
I feel the soft bed underneath me turning hard like plastic ridges
Hard but easily broken.
I'm not in love with you, I'm just in love with the idea.

I wonder if we could have enough in common, I know we're on the same team.

I'm tired, but not in the usual way.

Sometimes you have to decide what you are going to preach to yourself.

overcome

2011-06-01T22:33:00.003-05:00

just remember our God always wins...

"every victory is Yours."

Paths Collide

2011-05-29T23:04:00.003-05:00

Two paths are traveling. I see them like a stripes of color weaving in and out, around...

They take many turns, they climb mountains and hike through valleys.

Their's is a path they don't know of because they don't have a bird's eye view.

God has constructed their path so the two of them will collide... when it's time.

They go faster and faster, I watch the pace quickening, like water gushing, like a rollercoaster car... they come closer to intersecting and they do.

When the two converge, they say sparks will fly.

It's not merely I crosswalk passing, the two paths collide, join together and go forward twice as strong with the other on their side.

Double the force, double the strength. Firm course in mind.

They are inseparable.

This is how I see a love story.

When it was truly meant to be.

"Unless the Lord builds the house, we labor in vain"

It is of His doing.

I don't know know what day my path will collide with the one I am to be with, but I know as long as I stay pointed towards Jesus, I am getting closer everyday.

I don't know when.

I just know I have got to keep moving.

Because, every day I get closer.

Both of us have to be headed in the same direction - towards the sun.

Going after Him with all we've got.

We're both headed up.

Out paths will collide and...

sparks will fly...

"I am not my own/ I have been made new/

please don't let me go/ I desperately need you..."

2011-05-28T09:56:00.006-05:00

I used to write almost every single day, I just let the words flow onto the paper. Within 5 minutes a song from me was born, I knew the words, I knew the melody in my head.
Too often I have let the weight of the supposed correct "creative process" and all the rules of wrong and right/good and bad weigh me down... I don't believe I am good enough and I'd rather not fail, or here their criticism so why try?

So, today, I wrote another song, yes, in about a 5 minute span. I can't just sit down and play the music, I'll admit. But, I can hear it. It's a song about just this... wanting to be free from all of those types of "rules" and fears...

Every artist wasn't a hero in their day. They didn't follow the rules of the "Academy" and that didn't roll over too well with critics, but none of us care about that now. We praise the avant garde who were made to feel like failures in their time!

I was inspired by:
1. things in life not coming together the way I want.
Wishing I could go somewhere where MY way was THE way and full of happiness.

2. Realizing how I've let this fear and people's opinions hold me down.
When for so long all I wanted to do was write and sing it out.

"They want us to believe freedom is absurd. "

3. Owl City... been listening to him a lot lately. I'm inspired by Adam Young's words, melodies and ideas!

So, the song is Freedom of Defiance.
Because I don't want to be held down anymore.
I want to go back to when I was younger and I was gifted and everything was a possibility.
I serve a God who says nothing is impossible if we believe.

"Before the King, we can do anything."

recently heard Taylor Swift say that if you know exactly how you feel, you need to say it. i agree...

free.

afternoon update: after writing this, this morning, i read this quote by Elvis - seems ironic!

"I don't know anything about music, In my line you don't have to"

haha!

tumblr me

2011-05-28T08:00:00.000-05:00

http://anna-rochelle.tumblr.com/

follow me. i am one-in-the-same.

It will outlast them all

2011-05-14T21:09:00.001-05:00

Nothing Jesus gives is counterfeit.

Nothing Jesus gives is artificial.

Number 1

2011-05-14T03:09:00.003-05:00

Tonight my roommate asked me a lot of really serious questions that tell a lot about who a person really is.

She had me list the 5 things that I absolutely cannot live without, then one-by-one eliminate them down to the final one.. that is the most important thing to you.

my list was

1. jesus

2. water

3. music

4. sunlight

5. paper

then one by one I eliminated them in reverse order 5,4,3,2 and was left with number one.

There are other people who I would want to be on this list, but I went quite practical and literal with my answers - I TRULY cannot live without water... but, even Jesus could sustain me without water.

When all else fails... Jesus.

time

2011-05-12T03:16:00.002-05:00

"The right time for everything is when God is ready"

-thank you, Louie Giglio! follow him @ http://twitter.com/#!/louiegiglio

i do

2011-05-04T00:49:00.000-05:00

“I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!”

mark 9:24

wrong or right, hi, my name is...

2011-05-01T22:46:00.002-05:00

I am so imperfect. I've tried so hard, all my life, to be perfect. That is the way I've always thought was right, that's the only way I ever feel deserving.
I also can't reconcile doing what is "wrong" if I already know what is "right".

I am reminded everyday, lately, how my desires aren't lined up with God.
I have been consistently seeing how I do not trust Him enough.
I'm looking to wrong things to fill up the spaces only He can fill.

I want to value Him more than anything...Sometimes it's hard. I have been living in this relationship with God since my earliest memories. As great as that is, sometimes I wish I could start back from the ground up. Because I want to come to my convictions strongly and for myself. Instead I feel like I am going down, rather than going up.

Back to not trusting Him enough -- So much of what I do and don't do is based in fear. I'm afraid of being left-out and being lonely. I have experienced those things too much.
I thought I didn't care. I thought I was above that and not a victim to it. But, I am reaching out to be accepted and wanted.

If you're hurt enough, you will let people use you to fill your hole, even if they are just using you to fill their hole. (might want to read that one again;)

I am afraid of making the wrong decision and being lonely be MY FAULT.
God's promised me that He'll provide, but still I act like it's all in my hands.
God has said that he will never leave, but I still act like His extravagant promises are "too good to be true".
If I trusted Him enough, I wouldn't be afraid of what they think of me.
I would be more confident.
If I trusted God enough, I wouldn't be afraid of missing out, because I'd trust that He is big enough to finish the work he started, just like He said He would - even if I make a mistake.

I've always been like "just tell me how to do it right, and then I'll do it."
I don't even like trying new things, when there is the possibility of failure. So, I like to teach myself or in private - EVEN THEN - I only like to do it perfectly the FIRST time...
I like to do it right the first time or not at all. I want to get over that.

Honestly, I've always struggled with "earning it" and "deserving it". I know in my head I CAN'T earn it, but I can't seem to reconcile that with the fact that we're all under grace and I can't be better than the next girl, with the fact that what I do does matter because it reveals what's really in my heart - which is what God cares about.

I have longed to do something "wrong", and still be loved and accepted by God.
But, how can I do that if it's something I know is wrong??? That just shows that I am needing to prove I am loved beyond what I do.

For years, I've been haunted by the fact that I can never keep up a daily routine with God.
I feel really guilty about it, because I feel like if I was in His word more, than a lot of my messed-up desires would be rectified. But, try as I might, I never "get it right".

I feel like the biggest thought that I learned to carry with me growing up was:
1. what was right
2. what was wrong
3. that the most important thing to God, was that I do the right thing...

Sadly, that's how I live, and I don't think it's living in the truth...

So concerned with DOING the right thing,
not feeling any freedom to fail or learn from falling;
Always feeling I should have known better has pushed me into wanting to do the WRONG thing and see that everything could still be ok... that I don't hold the balance of the universe. that God can pick me up and take me back...
That I don't always have to be the good little girl, just to be loved.

I'm so tired of seeing all the people who have problems be the ones who have all the relationships and the connections and the money and love...
I know what's right - believe me! Right here I want to interject how I shouldn't compare or be jealous, but I'm further proving my point of always thinking "i have to do only what's right"!
But, if I'm really honest, I feel like, "God, haven't you seen how I have lived?" "Haven't you seen the me give up the very thing that was giving me companionship and satisfaction for YOU?"
"Haven't I proven my heart and my devotion, therefore, don't I deserve to be happy? Don't I deserve someone who loves You and loves me?"....
That's honesty, right or wrong, it's what I feel.

See, I have always been the one who "has it all together".
I've always been the one no one worries about.
I've always been the one who would "never do that"
and I'm grateful.
But I am left feeling misplaced and misunderstood and pushed aside.
I'm tired of people wanting to use me. if I didn't have a thing together, then I'd see who truly loved me, because it wouldn't be for anything I could or was doing.

I guess that's Jesus. because He sees all the stuff. He sees who i REALLY AM! He doesn't see who I try to be or pretend to be or who I believe I am. He sees who I really am, He knows every tragedy and every triumph that's brought me to where i am. Everything that has made me, shaped me, or scarred me since the time He created me with His very hands. I am loved and prized. and I won't give up, even tho I am alone. I won't give up even tho I feel like I push at locked doors. i WON'T give up even when I feel like it's fake. i have to believe in Him, because He is my only Hope.
Even when I act like others can fill the void. Even when I want them and I reach out in vain.
Cause all I am wanting is someone to know who I really am and love me for it.
The second miracle, would be, me BELIEVING they really loved me.

This is where I am at right now
Hi, my name is anna....

true words ignored

2011-04-03T23:28:00.002-05:00

i find it sad that i can post a status or tweet about getting a tattoo or a Black Eyed Peas song, and get many responses or affirmations... but, i can post a quote from the true, living word of God (a.k.a. scripture) and it's as if no one even sees it...

why is that?

is it so commonplace, the Bible, that we don't even pay attention to it?

Or do we think "religion" is too personal for us to affirm or identify with one another?

Or do we just not care?

are we ashamed?

Jesus, don't let me be ashamed of you.

Don't let me do what is popular, or what will gain me the most affirmation from my peers, don't let me neglect carrying Your precious name.

You have committed yourself to me for forever. How can I neglect You?

My heart is sad, how I wish we all would adore Him like he deserves... It would seem to be easier if it wasn't fighting up-stream... however, "...suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us." Romans 5

I need You

2011-04-03T22:31:00.002-05:00

i needed you on my very first day,

you gave me your breath, before i can even remember

i needed you as i grew and i was bruised

some wounds you are still healing

you gave me your love over and over and over

you prove to be enough

i needed you

i needed you yesterday when i was weak, i was afraid

when i dropped my arms in the middle of the fight,

you still defended me

it's compelling, because i try to deserve you

i cry because i don't understand your grace;

because one day i will see your face

i have always needed you,

even when i didn't see it

even when i don't deserve it

you remain true

remain true

every time i fall, you stay the same

every time i fail, you remain

all my joy comes from you

so, write truth upon my arm; upon my heart

let it be always before me

hide me in you

because, honestly i am afraid

there are things i want, things i hate

open my hands

empty my hands

empty me so i can be filled up with you

all these things, don't let me love them more than you

all these things, let them fade

you will remain

until all my heart is yours, you deserve it all

you have committed yourself to me for a lifetime and beyond-for all eternity

i need you every time i question all that is true

when i question myself

you even allow me to question you in my frail humanness

i am nothing without your hands that created me

without your right hand that sustains

without your breath in my lungs

without you fighting for me

you have committed yourself to me for a lifetime and beyond-for all eternity

Jesus, how i need you

"You are Holy, Holy, Holy

God most high and God most worthy,

you are Holy, Holy, Holy - Jesus, You are.

Jesus You are"

"I need thee, O I need thee;  every hour I need thee;  O bless me now, my Savior, I come to thee."

okay

2011-02-25T08:37:00.003-06:00

by Flyeaf

I won't be satisfied with okay
And I can't be okay with alright
So point me to the edge of life
I'll stand up on my toes
Stretch my fingers out to love and bring it back here

It's too important for us to forget
We'll unify our thoughts
God will hear and save,
God will hear and save us!

All together standing up on our toes
We're Reaching for a freedom that they don't know
So catch it as it falls down
We know what we need
Don't get tired when you're running back to show them

It's too important for us to forget
We'll unify our thoughts
God will hear and save
God will hear and save us

I won't be satisfied with okay
And I can't be okay with alright
So point me to the edge of life
I'll stand up on my toes
Stretch my fingers out to love and bring it back here

"Best" friend?

2011-01-23T08:34:00.000-06:00

Before I begin, I must make one off-topic comment, why is it that so many "creative" people do their best work at night?

Could it be that it simply takes us forever to wake up? I'm kidding, kidding!

I just think it's funny that things can seem so clear and alive and my imagination is best when it's too late and I know I'm going to have to wake up early the next day... Or in some cases "today", given the fact that it's well past midnight.

Is it also possible that when it's late you tend to ramble?, you ask...

Eh, well, I like to consider this writing with a sarcastic wit to it, I kinda like it myself!

But, enough is enough of that... Moving on!

Have you ever thought about the term "best friend"? I guess, in our culture context, it usually

Means favorite friend or closest friend..."best friend" hmmm

Maybe you have an X-best friend (I have a couple of those), or several people you call your bff's, just one who has known you for years, or maybe you don't have any and either you wish you did because you feel like you're supposed to, or you just don't care...

Either of a thousand ways, many people have/have had a "best friend".

What are they "best" at?

What classifies them as your "best"??

That precisely is what I am thinking about tonight.

You see, to a lot of people I have been a friend in some capacity, some people return the favor and some do not.

But I can and YOU can be the "best friend" of anyone we meet...

We can be the "best" listener

-it could be someone in front of you in the checkout line whom you've known a total of 4 minutes

- it could be your spouse who you've been listening to for 15 years.

We can be the best host/hostess, advice giver, pair or eyes, trustworthy confidant etc, you get the idea?

There's a ton of different "bests" and we can be those things to people everywhere anytime.

Even if you're without our common definition of a "best friend" for yourself, you can be THE best friend!

Do you get it?

And basically, being the "best" is doing something where you put other people first, and selfless people make the best of friends!

It's easy to get burned in relationships.

Relationships are hard, friend, roommate. Parent, neighbor, co-worker, they all present you with situations you'd never face if you only had to communicate with yourself!

But, there is a satisfaction that makes it worth-it in finding a connection with those around you, finding a community, people that care...

Some people seem to think they are your friend, but if you're really honest, you know all about them, but they only seem to take 50% interest in you...

Are you the giver or taker in the relationship?

If there is a good solid share of both, you are on the right track.

But anyway, the point I am making is this- I want to be worthy of being a true "best friend", not only someone who fits in or is fun to be around , so I'm going to start now, just with the people around me,

And I'm not going to base my actions off of how others treat me, because people don't listen; they dont keep their word!

But either I act out of bitterness towards those who act wrongly, or I do the right thing and LOVE people.

I like that idea. Will you join me?

DESIGN

2011-01-21T22:21:00.003-06:00

This is just the coolest thing

kind of a side blog - different from my usual themes :-)

but, seriously, this makes me want to smile so stinkin' big: I am in art school!!! WOW! Like, this is so ME! haha, I LOVE IT!

In our first chapter of our DESIGN book, it talks about what DESIGN is... how it is something planned and mapped out, it takes PURPOSE & INTELLIGENCE.

Again, I thought, "Hello, proof #1 of creation! AND an intelligent and purposeful creator!"

NO ONE would believe that a building just evolved or a huge glob of paint thrown onto a canvas made an amazing reflection of a sunset.

God is a master builder, master designer, engineer... all that stuff!

We get to design on a small scale, when compared to the grandeur and intricacy of what The Creator has done!

Secondly, no one of us can create from nothing...

Only He can do that - that is stunning, brilliant, sweet - pick your favorite adjective to punctuate that thought!

A-wesome!

Do SOMETHING Now

2011-01-15T23:29:00.004-06:00

I started off this year by attending the Passion conference here in Atlanta.

(If you haven't heard about it-just go and thank me later;-))

One of my favorite parts is an area called DO SOMETHING NOW. It's filled with interactive exhibits of global causes represented. We give small amounts towards a huge goal to fund a huge need. TOGETHER WE BECOME A FORCE FOR GOOD!

It's amazing.

Anyway, this year, I gave to IJM (International Justice Mission) they go undercover into the brothels and rescue women and children. Everyone who gave had their picture taken and it was hung on this wall. Here is mine:

This photo is being used in my school's photo of the week. I was asked what made me give to this specific cause and it really got me thinking... here's what I wrote and I wanted to share it:

"When I entered the Do Something Now center at Passion2011, I was immediately drawn to the human trafficking area.

I knew I was going to give to the cause before I even walked through the exhibit area.

I believe the free people of the world have an obligation to help those who are bound and not turn away and choose ignorance.

All of us got together (Passion2011) because of Jesus Christ. His mission was to "proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners". By being apart of rescuing those in chains, I am making that my mission as well.

Giving to support a rescue mission for human trafficking victims in the Phillipines is the least I can do.

I gave because I want to be apart of something bigger than myself.

Every minute two more children are sold into slavery...

There are more slaves on our planet today than ever before in history.

That is a number so big, it seems impossible to change.

BUT, if together we can rescue even one... even one girl, we will change her entire universe...

to help go to IJM.org"

As I said before, Do Something Now's idea (slogan, if you want to label it that) is

"Together we are a force for good"

and literally, by the end of our days together, you could totally see how that is true.

It's NOT just a catch-phrase or slogan, even tho it sounds just nice. IT'S NOT, it really is true and it can be a REALITY!

That's an exciting idea and an exciting thing to be apart of!

don't count THEM out!

2011-01-15T22:39:00.002-06:00

Let us not forget that the man (Saul/Paul) who became one of the strongest champions of The Name, was before an instigator of violence against it's followers.

Even the most vile, angry haters can radically change and be used to do amazing things.

Don't count God out.

Don't count yourself out.

and Don't count THEM out...

"them" being whoever is doubting, whoever is sneering, whoever is scoffing around you...

Serve ME!

2011-01-09T14:21:00.002-06:00

The world is shouting,

"Serve ME! Serve ME! Serve ME!",

under the guise of,

"Serve yourSELF! Serve yourSELF, Serve youSELF!"

But, Jesus is saying,

"Serve Me! Serve Me! SERVE ME! Because, I AM worth it.

Because, I have Loved you. I have SERVED you, because you're WORTH it!"

"No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money." Matt 6:24

"Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it." Matt 10:39 NIV

What Child is This?

2010-12-24T11:33:00.002-06:00

"Why lies He in such mean estate

Where ox and ass are feeding

Good Christians, fear, for sinners here

The silent Word is pleading

Nails, spear shall pierce Him through,

The cross He borne for me, for you

Hail, hail! The Word made flesh

The Babe, the Son of Mary"

Amazing words we do not often hear!

Let it sink in!

Look at the birds...

2010-12-06T22:20:00.003-06:00

God has been implanting this into my heart. I want it to become a part of my foundation...
I worry about money, but He says don't worry.
He say's the mind set on the Spirit is PEACE. It really is true that if we would make it our goal to set our minds on the things ABOVE we would stay at peace.

Matthew 6:26 says

"Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?"

I feel like God is challenging where my reliance and trust is placed.

I want to place it fully in him. Not on my "sowing" (working), my "reaping" (paycheck) or storing away in barns (savings).

...Not in what I can do alone, everything comes from Him anyway!

The birds don't work and strive and worry about what they get, but God is a LOVING father (loving toward all He has made!) and He GIVES to them, not because of their actions meriting reward, but because HE is faithful and He cares.

Ah, so it is with me, so it is with me.

Let this sink deeper and deeper.

Free Christmas Gift

2010-11-19T00:44:00.003-06:00

Into a world of the rich and poor, into a world of greed, God, You came down.
A gift, free of charge.
All our money couldn't buy the redemption of our souls.
We celebrate you at Christmas-a time when money is spent.
A time when those who "lack" money wish for more.
We give.
We receive.
We purchase.
It even would cost a couple hundred dollars to purchase a nativity to dosplay outside my house to say "I believe" not in Santa but in hope, redemption, in JESUS. It all costs a lot of money.
But You,Jesus, don't! Thank you for being the free gift, not bought sold or earned but received.
"Freely you have received, freely give."
In the buying, selling and giving the riches of the world that pass away, don't let us neglect love and forgiveness....
Just what you brought when you came down.

Thank you for being free.
You're worth more than any other, and you're absolutely free.
We could never buy You, sell You or deserve You.
But we have You, Everything we know we need; Everything we don't know yet.

God!!

2010-08-11T22:17:00.003-05:00

People are dying and we're talking.

We talk so big. But nothing changes.

You say you wanna change the world, turn people around and inside-out how do you expect to do this unless you're absolutely the opposite from this world!

Stop talking and start walking! I couldn't say it loud enough!

WAKE UP!

I can feel the fire inside when I hear the truth. I wanna cry out.

I'm done with all these emotions, without changing anything!

Jesus came to change the world - HE DID change the world.

He didn't die so we could look pretty!

He didn't die to make a church look pretty, perfect and clean!

You talk about not being material and I don't see that in your life, in your fruit!

The people you praise the people you respect, the people you give credit to - are they the ones who bring God fame?!!

God! I'm so tired of being fed-up with all this nonsense. God! I'm so tired of being NOT OKAY THAT WE'RE OKAY with all this!!!

But, I'll never be okay with ordinary!

I'll never be okay with temporary!

Keep me on your path. Let me live the life I feel beating inside.

Let me life it from the inside out.

God...

so much brokenness.

so much loss inbetween.

This feels so pointless - what's the point when we're not changing anything. If we'd get down on our faces and forget about ourselves.

God! I want to look to pour out into others, instead of being so caught up with my life, my situations, my relationships, my desires.

If I never have anything, I will always have you.

Truly, strip away all I hold onto so I have to cling closer to you... God, you're all that's worth it. I'm so done with all this fluff. I'm so done. Jesus, make me live all this from the inside out.

If it's what You want, God, I'll be a visionary.

Dont let me get bitter. But, I want to hate every lie, everything that's not wholly of You.

Let me be someone who evokes change.

Tired

2010-07-17T20:53:00.004-05:00

Have you ever been tired of having the same strong feelings, the same passions about things for so long and not seeing anything change?

At first you might be frustrated because a goal or desire is being blocked.

You might try to ignore your feelings and walk the other way. But even if you shove down something that is apart of you, it will only rise again.

Then you might get angry, not being sure what to do to make a change.

It all becomes exhausting...

This deep desire for more.

To see the reality of belief before my eyes.

To know the truth.

To see the change.

I DONT WANT TO STOP BELIEVING!

CARE

2010-06-02T22:04:00.003-05:00

Sometimes it hurts to care so much. It weighs upon my chest.
But I'd rather feel this pain than be dulled and numb to reality.
This is what a heart breaking feels like...
do I still hope?
I just care so much.
If I could only hold your head in my hands in speak truth that would become the foundation of your heart...
I want you to know you're loved
I want to you to know the truth.
If I could take away all your pain... I would.
I will still war.
I won't let you go.
I won't stop caring.
I want to be like the One who carries the world. I can't imagine what He feels in seeing how far we've fallen.
But, I guess I care so much, I love so much, I feel so deeply because of Him.
He Loves, more than an ocean, He loves higher than the sky. His hope dives deeper than the pit you've sunk in. His hope rises every morning in the sky... If you could only see it in front of your eyes.

3 Men

2010-05-28T00:22:00.004-05:00

I've seen you walking with a chain around your neck leading you down one path, you can't break away on your own.
I've seen you fall down time and time again, and see you struggle, I want to see you win.
I've seen you the way you are today. But, I know you can be more. I want to see you change.

I still believe it is possible.
But, you have to surrender all.
I still believe it is possible.
But, you have to be willing, you have to surrender before you can win the war you'll fight.

Why do I see these things?
Oh God, yes I want to see them with your eyes...

Do you see a light shrouded in darkness?
Do you see a warrior giving in to lies?
Do you see a man, fragile dust, but a treasured prize?

Do you only see Your blood? Your sacrifice was enough, God, I have to believe in You.
I want to see the change. I want to see your hope on the faces of these ones.
All the broken, all the weary, all the hurt and the confused.
I believe in the truth.

One way street

2010-05-22T15:14:00.003-05:00

Since the bible says we can only serve one of two masters, and it tells us we're slaves to whomever we choose to serve, I'm feeling like alot of "christians" are slaves to Satan - to sin. And few of them would be willing to give up their rights of their lives enough to become a true servant of God...

I'm not okay with God being just an icon in life. He doesn't deserve that.

So which is it for you? Who's really in control? Does is hurt to admit the truth?
We only truly live after we've died...

War

2010-04-27T12:52:00.000-05:00

"We must declare war on the mood of non-expectation, and come together with childlike faith."
- Tozer

wow.

"In the name of..."

2010-04-08T23:39:00.004-05:00

I say "... in Jesus' name, Amen" verbatim, wrote, mindlessly, everytime I say a formal prayer, because - why? Because, that's what I heard, that's what I learned, it's a habit.
Yes, it's biblical (John 14:13) But, how many times we just spout it off, as thoughtlessly as we say "Amen." so we can eat. But, today, I saw it differently, I got the revelation of the power of saying something "In the name of" someone else...
Think of it this way, when you request something IN THE NAME of someone more powerful than you, you evoke all the power that they hold on your behalf. You call into play, who they are, what they have done, and suddenly whatever you're saying has incredible backing.

I see an illustration something like this,

I am a poor foot soldier, unknown to the King.

My nation is deep in war with an opposing rival. Our General has died in battle.

He was known, decorated, honored and respected and his name will live on in the history of my people. He had the strategy, he had the plan that would carry our war torn people to victory. But, after his death the king has been silent.

The king has no reason to heed any word of urging, begging, pleading,

any plan that would come from my mouth.

But, I stand before him and I urge him to take a stance,

to remember our great fallen leader, to rally his army to victory...

I don't urge him in my voice alone because I ask IN THE NAME of one greater than myself. Suddenly, the stakes have changed and the kings men hold their breathe in wait to see if the king will honor one who sacrificed his life for our cause...

When I initially saw this senerio, I wasn't thinking God was the king, and Jesus the general, but that even in human relations this law is still in effect. Names carry reputation and they carry power. So, the fact that I ask things in "Jesus' name" is... amazing. It means alot.
Because Jesus humbled himself, "God exalted him to the highest place and gave him the name that is above every name." Phil 2:9 NIV
The NAME OF JESUS evokes all of His authority on our behalf. We are co-heirs with Christ (we are! Us, little tiny us!), it's amazing we even have the right to use his name.
Next time I say "In Jesus' name, Amen", I want to actually think about what I'm saying, about what that means. The One who was before all things, in all things, the One who holds it all together, I pray in THAT name.

Christ has died, risen, and will come again.

2010-04-04T11:31:00.004-05:00

I'm so thankful what looked like the worst day for the world turned out to be the best day for all humanity. The day of suffering became the day of amazing grace. God was in control.
I'm so thankful the tomb couldn't hold Him. He got the keys of death, hell and my grave.
Christ has DIED! Christ IS risen! Christ WILL COME again!
His blood was shed - We have redemption.
I live because He died.
His blood still speaks today, His cross the stake in our history that changed everything.
He's seated at the right hand of God. Jesus, may you receive the honor that you deserve today.
Thank you for your blood, your cross, your suffering, and your triumph... We could never even say enough!

Career, ministry, life

2010-04-03T00:58:00.005-05:00

Career should never be life
Life should never be career

Career should never be ministry
Ministry should never be career

Life should be ministry
Ministry should be life

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I want to be one who finishes the race.

Equal-rights...

2010-03-07T23:07:00.004-06:00

I wonder if the women who were the first fighters for women's rights realized what our "equality" would mean and how far it would go...
I believe women should be able to vote, make lives for themselves and have a voice in society.
But, how far has our mighty "equality" taken us? Men no longer respect women or take care of them. Back in "the day", average, respectable men wouldn't even cuss around a lady! A gentlemen wouldn't been seen within distance of a lady carrying any sort of load without helping - whether or not they were aquainted! Common couresy is sadly trashed.

I think about how us modern women fall all over the old romantic tales of charming fellows we see on the big screen... is it really just the "romance" we love and crave? Or is it the sense of being cared for? That sense of being valued and being shown that we are worth much (precious)? I believe it's the latter.

Men were supposed to care for women, we, women, were supposed to be in that position of being loved and valued and respected. That is not supposed to mean we're weak emotionally, or spiritually, or that we're all stereotypical either. Nevertheless, we were made to be protected by a stronger being and cherished! I feel a sort of sadness that a great majority of women and men have now lost their places... Women long to be treated in a way that has become just a fairy-tale. Men are dumbed down and made to feel insignificant. Both sexes are needed and have rightful places alongside of each other! I want us to find those again...

How, who, when, where, why

2010-02-28T22:39:00.006-06:00

Sometimes I wonder if the future life events that seem so huge to our brains, aren't always so -earth shattering - they just... happen.

When I was young, I had a picture in my head of what I would feel like, or be like at my age now. Now that I'm here it doesn't quite feel like that picture. But, it's okay, I'm moving, I'm going on and it's impossible to see my life and the world through any other eyes than the ones I have right now. In example, when I was fourteen I was mature for my age and thought I was handling things great! I did fine growning up, but with gained experience, I now can look back and say "Oh wow, I know a few more things!". It's good to be growing. I would never want to stop.

Is there a place, where you don't have to be ashamed?

Is there a place in this world.

Am I far away, from that place. Is it there waiting, or do I have to make it reality for me?

Is there a place, were not all are perfect, I'm not asking for a fairy tale, not in this life.

Is there a place where I am known

Can you promise me that everyone is not the same. That they all aren't wrapped up in themselves slandering as they go along???

I agree

2010-02-24T14:27:00.002-06:00

I have been seeing how much we have a "Greek" way of thought pervasive in our institutions for "higher learning"... think about this...
"The wisdom of the Greeks, when compared to that of the Jews, is absolutely bestial; for apart from God there can be no wisdom, not any understanding and insight." - Martin Luther

What are you wearing today?

2010-02-15T18:09:00.005-06:00

I've been thinking about Tim Tebow lately after the "uproar" that was caused by his Focus On The Family ad that aired during the superbowl. That man is certainly no stranger to controversy. But, at least it is all for a purpose. What do we expect? Jesus told us we would be pursecuted for His name. His words and His name are not welcome in our society. But, they haven't quite shut us down yet, God's word still speaks! It will endure forever!!

Anyway, saying this, I was searching for something on the ever-popular google. As you may know, when you start typing something into google what pops up underneath in a drop-down box are the most popular searches. I typed in: What scripture
and here are the top 10 MOST SEARCHED topics:

What scripture says about homosexuality
What scripture is the Lord's prayer
What scripture says about marriage
What scripture to memorize
What scripture says about forgiveness
What scripture is Jesus wept
What scripture is the ten commandments in
What scripture is on Tebow's face
What scripture is the Christmas story
What scripture is Tebow wearing today

Okay, so, homosexuality, The Ten commandments, Jesus, Christmas... interesting, but pretty much expected, not really shocking. As much as it's interesting that those are the things people are looking into the Bible for, what struck me was that the only "non-biblical" thing, if you will, that is mentioned (twice!) is TIM TEBOW! What a witness, what a way of getting the "scripture" out there... Where it needs to be... But it's got to be in us, before we can put it out there. We can't wear a scripture on our faces, if our life doesn't back it up!

Can people ask that about me? Can people ask that about you?
I'm not saying, "raise your hand out there in cyberspace if you've got John 3:16 tattooed on your forehead!", but seriously, do we put enough stock in the Word of our God? Do we put it into our hearts? Do we really act like it is the "lamp to our feet"?
hmm, I hope this is some food-for-thought for you... it is for me.

I want to be that kind of person, people will ask "what scripture is on Anna's face today?", they'll wonder "what words of God does Anna have on display?". I'm called to look like Jesus. So are you.
I like how it says it in the New Living version: Matt 24:35 "Heaven and earth will disappear, but my words will never disappear."

Oh, (as a little extra ;)) it might be silly or maddening that the NCAA just now made a rule banning players writing in their eye black, but I just love how Paul said this:
2 Timothy 2:9 "Remember Jesus Christ, raised from the dead, descended from David. This is my gospel, for which I am suffering even to the point of being chained like a criminal. But God's word is not chained." Yes, God's word is NOT chained.

True

2010-02-01T23:41:00.001-06:00

For every time I say "I don't know......"
He say's "...I KNOW..." Jer 29:11

It's the beginning of February.

Sometimes.

2010-01-31T22:32:00.004-06:00

Do you ever feel like you're traveling, but you don't know where you're going?
Really, metaphorically, not physically... (However, you might have felt this way when you were traveling physically as well if you find yourself "directionally challenged" .)
But, seriously, have you, DO you ever feel that way?
Like, one day, it's okay - the way things are - just trekking...
And then the next day you feel like you're standing still, or moving very slowly. And there's so many more things inside of you, but it feels like nobody knows. You feel like you're just standing where you are, and you don't want to stand there so long that you get stuck! You don't really, truly feel apart of any of it... Things are okay, but you just feel there's MORE.

I know I've posed this question before, "should I stay or should I go."
I never want to be someone who goes off to new places over and over, just to get that clean slate feeling, just to repeat the same old cycle -- cause then, it's would become just running away.

It can be so unsatisfying when you don't know where you should be.

How is it that a person can have such mixed feelings about things? It puzzles me exeedingly.
I want fellowship and relationship, but I'm fine being "alone". I don't have people outside of my family who are close to me. It's not the way I would necessarily want it, but it's just the way it is.Either the other people around me either aren't ones I would want close to me, or they're not interesting in pouring into a relationship. I've just accepted that without constantly stuggling against it.
I want to be here at home, but I want to go away. I want to be on-my-own, but I want someone to share it all with.
Such mixed feelings.

Some things are hard. Sometimes you feel the tears crawling up, tickling the inside of your nose... and it's not because your heart is broken, it just feels good to let it - whatever IT is - out.

I know God wants to be in fellowship with us all the time. I know we're supposed to be totally, really, truly "at home" with Him. You know how good it feels to just let your hair down and be YOU. When you're at home, you don't have to care what you look like, or sound like. When you're alone you could be 30 yrs old running around the house in a superman cape and no one would know. It's just freedom with out feeling judged by other eyes, without worrying about looking stupid. That's the way it's supposed to be with God. He's there ALL the time anyway. We're supposed to be AT HOME - all the time, ANYWHERE cause He's there. He's our shelter, refuge, security, our Home-away-from-home...

btw: it's the end of January.

Reality

2010-01-22T19:19:00.003-06:00

I feel like movies we are fed with that are labeled: "real-life" movies are never close enough to home. They can be about some catastrophe in Africa or someone being trapped under the World Trade Center after 9/11. Now, i'm not trying to discount the trama or very "realness" that any person in those experiences goes through. But, the average American "Real-life" movie is about some affair, slick villian, stupid person. Life turned comedy, drama, thriller. And there may be an added value or moral to the overall story, but really, is there any answers, any REALITY??
seriously here!

I'm so impressed with To Save A Life, this movie does that job and then some.
I was really speechless when I left the theater.
How can we every really live fulfilled unless we live for someone else? That's a foreign concept to us "westerners" to be sure. hmm
So, something's gotta change.
What's the first step gonna be?

do we realize what we're forsaking?

2010-01-12T23:38:00.006-06:00

So, President Obama who " cites that he prays in private and he doesn’t feel the need to observe the day at the White House" cancels the National Day of Prayer observance in Washington...
If the head of the entire country will not humble himself in public and admit that he cannot govern alone - that WE as a people cannot survive alone, than I wonder how much longer we WILL survive.

Don't you DARE tell me this is old fashioned.

Slowly but so surely freedom of religious expression is being closed in on. How much longer will we be able to even observe a National Day of Prayer?.....

To the God who will always have a remnant, we pray in the words of President George Washington,
"since thou art a God of pure eyes, and wilt be sanctified in all who draw near unto thee,
who doest not regard the sacrifice of fools,
nor hear sinners who tread in thy courts,
pardon, I beseech thee, my sins, remove them from thy presence, as far as the east
is from the west, and accept of me for the merits of thy son Jesus Christ,
that when I come into thy temple, and compass thine altar, my prayers
may come before thee as incense; and as thou wouldst hear me calling upon thee
in my prayers, so give me grace to hear thee calling on me in thy word,
that it may be wisdom, righteousness, reconciliation and peace to the saving of the soul in the day of the Lord Jesus.
Grant that I may hear it with reverence, receive it with meekness, mingle it with faith, and that it may accomplish in me,
Gracious God, the good work for which thou has sent it. Bless my family, kindred, friends and country, be our God & guide this day and for ever for his sake, who lay down in the Grave and arose again for us, Jesus Christ our Lord, Amen. "

Do Everything...

2010-01-10T23:01:00.006-06:00

What would it look like if we were a people who did
"everything without complaining or arguing"?
Philipians 2:14
Complaining - (murmurings in KJV) in the greek, speaks of murmur, mutterings; a secret debate or displeasure not openly avowed.

Arguing - (disputings in KJV) The meaning of this word are: the thinking of a man deliberating within himself, inward reasoning; questioning about what is true; hesitation, doubting; disputing, arguing

The original meanings of both of these words speak of not just an outward reaction, but of inward struggle and quiet words...

I feel like we all fall so easily to complaining. I have yet to be in any type of work environment where the people DON'T seem to feed off of complaining behind someone's back. Have we nothing better to say? It's so easy to join in a "secret displeasure". I so desire to be a person who does not slander others - even slightly!
Also, within ourselves we can allow anger to fester, muttering words of hatred and angst against another. We kill our own health and we're are in violation to the word of God! Wow!

Arguing (disputings) also speaks of this inward battle. The mind can be run away with itself and needs to be taken under the control of the Spirit of God.
Our mouth will speak out of what spills out of our hearts. Many times the word HEART, in our Bible, references the MIND.
We are to bring thoughts against the truth under captivity to Christ "casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ" 2 Cor 10:5 NKJV

One of the definitions of arguing was - doubt -
James 1:5a-7 "If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God... but when he asks he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea blown and tossed by the wind. That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord"

...Oh, that we could become a people who surrender their thoughts and words to the Lord so much so that we could become a people who do "everything without complaining or arguing"...

- It is ONLY through His power, we can do nothing of ourselves.
The desire and ability come from above
v.13 "For it is God who works in you to WILL and to ACT according to His good purpose"

- Then after we're told to be a people who do everything without complaining and arguing... " , it stays:
"SO THAT you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe as you hold out the word of life - in order that you may boast in the day of Christ that I did not run or labor for nothing." v. 15-16

The only way we'll make a difference is by looking like Jesus...
Help me, Lord.

"Whatever happens, conduct yourselves in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ." Phil 1:27

- this study is a result of an amazing message given by Louie Giglio at Passion 2010 :)

Peace of God

2010-01-09T01:19:00.004-06:00

There is a peace, everlasting
it stands within my soul.
There is a peace, overflowing
it fills me up to the uttermost.

Though the mountains be shaken
and the hills be removed,
yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken
nor my covenant of peace be removed,"
says the LORD, who has compassion on you.
O afflicted city, lashed by storms and not comforted,
I will build you with stones of turquoise,
your foundations with sapphires. Isaiah 54:10-11 NIV

They (the man who delights in the Lord's ways) are like trees planted
along the riverbank, bearing fruit each season.Their leaves never wither,
and they prosper in all they do. Psalm 1:3

I will rejoice greatly in the LORD, My soul will exult in my God;
For He has clothed me with garments of salvation,
He has wrapped me with a robe of righteousness,
As a bridegroom decks himself with a garland,
And as a bride adorns herself with her jewels Isaiah 61:10 NASB

This is my story, this is my song!

a mighty fortress...

2010-01-08T01:00:00.000-06:00

"A mighty fortress is our God
A sacred refuge is Your Name
Your Kingdom is unshakable
With You forever we will reign

We will keep our eyes on You
We will keep our eyes on You
So we can set our hearts on You
Lord we will set our hearts on You." - Christy Nockels

without that step...

2010-01-06T03:32:00.000-06:00

"Things great have small beginnings.

Every downpour is just a raindrop;

every fire is just a spark;

every harvest is just a seed;

EVERY JOURNEY IS JUST A STEP,

BECAUSE WITHOUT THAT STEP

THERE WILL BE NO JOURNEY;

without that raindrop there can be no shower;

without that seed there can be no harvest." -William Wilberforce

isaiah 54:10

2009-12-29T22:01:00.001-06:00

There is a word that is timeless and one that endures and remains steady and powerful throughout every season of time...

"For though the mountains should depart

and the hills be shaken or removed,

yet My love and kindness shall not

depart from you,

nor shall My covenant of peace and completeness be removed,

says the Lord, Who has compassion on you."

Isaiah 54:10

it's possible now

2009-12-10T22:35:00.000-06:00

God, You answer us. You raise us up.

Have you ever felt like it takes alot to break through to worship God without being distracted or self conscience? Or to clear your mind, get past your surroundings and past just saying the words & doing the motions- to get to feeling close to God?

In the garden of eden, sin had not yet separated man from God's closeness, from communion with HIm. God walked with man, He spoke with him face to face.
But after man fell and gave in to sin, we were separated.
We were defiled.
We could no longer enter God's presence freely. Or feel His closeness and walk in absolute truth.
The world became dark.

Only through the sacrifice of Christ did we even gain the availability to feel his presence here once again. To find freedom in it. And to have the assurance of being undevided from Him for eternity. Through the Cross, the division between us and God was torn down and we have access to our Father.

But still so often (as citizens of this world) we have so much (knowingly and unknowingly) between us. It sometimes takes time to break through those things. We have bitterness, unforgiveness, jealously, perversion, and just dirt from what we take in throughout the day.
The blood of Jesus cleanses us ungoingly from all unrighteousness.

The fact that we can even now enter into his presence is a miracle
The fact that, where we come together in his name He shows up, is exciting.

In heaven one day , there will be no more boundries, no more confusion, no more distractions... Again, all because the blood of Jesus has cleansed us and washed us white as snow.

We walk now, on earth boldly and unashamed with the power we need in this mortal life...
And, one day, there we will walk clothed in white surrounded in His light with nothing inbetween.

1 is better than 99..

2009-11-29T19:31:00.000-06:00

Yesterday, I heard a story.
Someone in my department at work recently went to visit the small population of spanish Jews living in Israel. While he was there the local church had an evangelistic event. There were 150 people in attendance, small by our American standards.

5 souls were saved.
That was the equivalent of 5,000 people here....

It reminded me again of how we tend to
count success in numbers. We measure relatively and compete like we're in it for the money.

I was reminded that Jesus said, "there is more joy in heaven over one lost sinner who repents and returns to God than over ninety-nine others who are righteous and haven’t strayed away!"
and
"...there is joy in the presence of God’s angels when even one sinner repents"

When we're often overwhelmed and all about quantity, Jesus is all about quality.
Let us not forget the power of one.
For if we "successfully" herd the masses through, and neglect truly teaching even one heart
what will we have to show, for our efforts in the end will be failure.
God sees souls not numbers
He sees children that he calls precious - rare and of great value.

time for a new layout!

2009-11-23T17:40:00.000-06:00

New layout and header!!
Yay!
Forever I've wanted to personalize this blog and I didn't know how or WHAT!
But, I'm so proud of myself today, I made my own headers!!
I like :)

Love

2009-11-19T23:56:00.000-06:00

Jesus, I want to Love like a child with the depth of an ancient.
I want to live. I need your Love so I won't fear, so I can love the hard-hearted, fully myself... with You.
I don't want to DO for the sake of DOING. I want to DO for the sake of LOVING.
I long for Love.
I long to be known.
The only time the world really stopped was when I looked into your eyes.
I saw you in the middle of the dark.
Your eyes burn with light. Your Love is so bright, there's no mistaking it, I think we're the ones who confuse it.
You burn through the night, your mercy always breaks through, tears dry in your sunlight. Your coming on the wings of the dawn and last night I saw you... every word disintegrated.
You're so big I can't grasp it. Yet, You're so near I can't comprehend it.
To never lose the wonder, to use this pain for victory.
To appropriate the power of Your cross for all it's worth.
You're precious.

in the moment

2009-11-15T16:31:00.000-06:00

So, this is me.
I HATE not knowing and that's just the place I almost always seem to be of lately.
God, what are you doing?
Is it just me, am I that deaf and dumb?
I just wanna be free.

We're are........

2009-11-15T16:17:00.000-06:00

I recently heard it said: "Jesus wasn't raised up on the cross to give us a career." and it keeps going over and over in my head....

Don't we have better things to do than to argue?
I want so much to stand up and scream, but so many times the hammer seems to slip and fall on the wrong side... so, I sit and say nothing... I hate being misunderstood, so alone.
We're not meant to speak, we're supposed to live.
Jesus isin't a brand or a nametag, His cross is not cool or fashionable. It's radical, it's for every age every time every people group.
We're so twisted, so confused...
and if we really lived for Love, it wouldn't look like this.
Cause we focus on all the wrong things. We're so blind! Father, can you still lead us?!
Don't we have anything better to do than talk idle words out? Oh! they're spewing and falling and tripping our brothers.
I thought soldiers never give up.

It's so hard to be the only one. It's so much easier to swim with the flow.

Oh, to those who'll remain unnamed,
I've heard you say it again and again and that vision is so nice, but that's not what I'm seeing, friend.
Your words paint a beautiful picture, but I don't see those same colors on display.
We've become a place of false advertising, we're not meant to play these games.

I imagine God, does your heart not weep to see your church so crippled, so helpless, when we've got all the Power we need... You must see some good in us yet.
You're the one who loves Justice.
You're the One who reigns in Mercy.
You hate sin BUT love unconditionally.

And, I wanna be like you and I want things to change. And even tho it seems they never will, I never want to stop believing.
I don't wanna hate your bride, Oh God, make us pure for you again.

Waiting... in peace, not turmoil... in TRUST

2009-08-25T18:16:00.000-05:00

I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am hopeful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
But patiently, I will wait

I will move ahead,
bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience

While I'm waiting...
I will serve You
While I'm waiting...
I will worship.
While I'm waiting
I will not faint, I'll be running the race.
Even while I wait

I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am peaceful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it's not easy
But faithfully, I will wait
Yes, I will wait

I will serve You while I'm waiting!
I will worship while I'm waiting!
I will serve You while I'm waiting,
I will worship while I'm waiting,
I will serve you while I'm waiting...I will worship while I'm waiting on You, Lord - While I'm waiting, John Waller

comfort

2009-08-24T21:41:00.000-05:00

Come thou fount of every blessing, tune my heart to sing thy grace
Streams of mercy never ceasing, call for songs of loudest praise
Teach me some melodious sonnet, sung by flaming tongues above
Praise the mount I'm fixed upon in
Mount of thy redeeming Love.

I was lost in utter darkness, til you came and rescued me
I was bound by all my sin when your love came and set me free
Now my soul can sing a new song, now my heart has found a home
Now your grace is always with me
And I'll never be alone!

Come thou Fount
Come thou King
Come thou precious prince of Peace
Here your bride - to You we sing
Come thou fount of our blessing.

today

2008-08-19T17:12:00.000-05:00

Today I'm not quite sure what's happening.
I don't have all the answers.
I wish I didn't need to know why.

So, I choose to come back to where I started. I will stay here in the good times and the hard times........ At the Cross.
I KNOW that my God is unchanging - I know His plans will not fail. He will never cease to amaze... This is my God and this is my declaration.

It's not all about me. I am not in charge. I have a future and I have a hope- Jesus.
Jesus, You are all I need.
This brings a smile to my face... You are always.
I love You.

Jesus

2008-08-06T23:00:00.000-05:00

For every broken heart, for every man who bleeds. One man gave every drop of his life. He took up OUR infirmities and carried OUR diseases. He tookOUR punishment and gave us peace. And by His stripes we... are... healed.
For every murderer.
For every lie.
For all the sins that we have created - He bacame sin.
For every cutter.
For all our shame, Jesus, You were disfigured beyond recognition.
For every prideful man, He made Himself nothing, to free you from the grasp of self.

That's why the STORY is Jesus, the MESSAGE is Mercy, the CENTERPIECE is Savior, the POWER is Forever, and the FRUIT is Freedom.

"For I determined to know nothing among you except Jesus Christ, and Him crucified." 1 cor 2:2

When you understand what He did for you, how can you settle for anything less that what He died to give you?

"The curtain of the temple was torn in two from top to bottom."

Mark 15:38

"Fruitcake and Ice cream" -Louie Giglio

2008-07-30T01:13:00.000-05:00

"Fruitcake and Ice Cream" - a message by Louie Giglio
http://www.northpoint.org/messages Home Free-Even Me
OR
http://www.itunes.com/podcast?id=262317288

Have you gotten grace yet?

Louie Talks about this scripture - I love it!
2 Cor 5:13
"For if we are beside ourselves, it is for God; if we are of sound mind, it is for you. "
THE IDEA: when we fully get grace - grace gets us too... and when we get it it "will freak you out". When we understand the magnitude of grace (why it's called Amazing Grace) then we will just temporarily lose our minds!
We have to act "sane" in order to operate in this world - in order to communicate the message to people who haven't gotten it, so they can get it and you can both go crazy together! Ha! = )
Check it out in The Message Bible with verse 14:
"If I acted crazy, I did it for God;
if I acted overly serious, I did it for you.
Christ's love has moved me to such extremes.
His love has the first and last word in everything we do."

Verse 14 in the NIV says: "For Christ's love compels* us, because we are convinced** that one died for all, and therefore all died."
*(to Compel means 'to have a powerful and irresistible effect')
**('we ARE conviced' - aka - "we get it!")

May we never lose our passion for the sake of the Gosple, our wonder at the Cross and our joy in the love of our Creator.

Ha,ha! I love it!

2008-07-23T23:19:00.000-05:00

I love everything about this song. I am eagerly awaiting "Hello LOVE"!!